Grey
by MistressSymone
Summary: Elena's reflecting on the past 2 years and the man that inadvertently contributed to the woman she turned into. What will it take for Elena to finally put the past behind her, and what will the future bring? Song: Something I Can Never Have by Flyleaf
1. Grey: Prologue

Grey

Summary:

Elena is reflecting on her younger years and the man that inadvertently contributed to the woman she turned into. This story is based on the song 'Something I Can Never Have' by Fyleaf.

Prologue:

I could feel it again. That feeling when everything that was light somehow turns dark before I can adapt to it. I looked to my left shamefully, glancing at the man lying next to me. He had an arm thrown over his eyes and his blonde hair was ruffled. I cursed myself for getting so drunk.

I quickly scanned the room for my dress, which wasn't easy considering the entire floor of the bedroom was covered in clothes. Slipping out from the bed as gracefully as possible without waking the Guy up, I tucked my hair behind my ears and filtered through all the shit around me. My bra was easy to find; that was hanging off a lamp. My dress took some searching for but my underwear is what seemed to be MIA. I briefly thought about just saying 'fuck it' and leaving them behind, but they were my favorite red lace panties.

After looking for a good five minutes I spotted them…under Guy's pillow. I winced, my hand slowly reaching out to grab the edge of them, using my thumb and forefinger. I pulled it slowly, before snatching my purse and my heels from the floor and rushing out.

I sighed in relief of not having to confront the mess I created for myself, and quickly dressed before leaving the small apartment. When I stepped out into the harsh light of day, I had to cover my eyes from the brightness. I took a moment to collect myself; fixing my hair so it wasn't a mess, readjusting my crooked dress, and slipping on fold away flats. Thank God I packed them in my purse or I'd be walking seven blocks in 6 inch stilettos. Of course I did it coming here from the club with Guy last night, but I was too drunk to care at that point.

I made it about four blocks before I heard a familiar voice from the truck stopped at the red light beside me. "Elena?"

I looked at him shocked. "Matt…" I really didn't know what else to say. "Hey." That was lame.

He stared at me looking hurt and confused. "Where did you go last night, I was looking everywhere for you. Get in." he offered, reaching over to unlock the door.

I winced and shook my head a little. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"What?"

"Look, this isn't working out." He just stared blankly at me like I just killed a puppy.

I was saved from this incredibly awkward moment by the sound of several car horns. The light had turned green and the people behind him were getting frustrated.

He took one last look at me; His blue eyes were dejected as he shook his head. I watched as he drove away, stunned by my words. I sighed and continued my trek. Matt was great, but I wasn't looking for anything serious. I hadn't been serious about anyone since high school, and I didn't think I ever would be again. It just wasn't in the cards for me.

I thought back to last night and my foul actions. Mat and I drove to the club together to celebrate the end of classes. After a long year, college was finally out for summer break. We spent about an hour and a half doing shots up at the bar before I disappeared to the dance floor. I managed to lose him for another four hours while I danced with Guy; fuck I wish I could remember his name! I could see Matt looking around for me as I ducked out, giggling as I clung to Guy's arm.

I know I probably broke Matt's little heart, but the last thing I wanted to do was let him fall in love with me. I wasn't capable anymore. There was an emptiness inside me that clouded everything that I was, until whatever was white turned grey.

Grey would be the color if I had a heart.


	2. Something I Can Never Have

Chapter One: Something I Can Never Have

2 Years Ago:

I watched as he held her face gently in his hands as he kissed her. I almost wanted to cry the way his face lit up in her presence. He was a year older than me; he had graduated last year, but he would still visit her on her breaks, drop her off and pick her up from school every day.

I hated her; but only because she had him. I hated the way she ran her hands through his hair, I hated how she rested her hands on his chest, I hated the way she caressed his cheek…I hated that he _loved_ her.

Rebekah Mikaelson. He called her Bex. It was obvious she had it all: the popularity, the boyfriend, the perfect family, but I could live without all those things…if I could only have Damon.

"You're staring again." Caroline said from the seat beside me. I didn't even realize how long I was looking out the window, my class was already over. "You really need to get over this obsession you have with him." She continued quietly as we packed up our things. "It's starting to take over your life."

"I'm not obsessed, Care." I took one last look out the window. "I just like him. More than I should." I mumbled the last part under my breath.

Caroline rolled her eyes as she trailed out of the classroom beside me. "If you _just_ liked him, you wouldn`t be burning holes into the back of Rebekah's head.

You have been crazy about him since the moment you first saw him." She said in her usual Caroline way.

We became friends in our first year at high school. She just transferred from a school in LA and after bumping into me in the bathroom; literally, we became the best of friends. We had to pit stop at our lockers quickly before heading home. Luckily they weren't on the opposite sides of the school like last year.

"Well can you blame me?" I defended. I spotted Damon over Caroline's shoulder as he entered the school. "Look at him…he's beautiful." I watched him walk pass me without even sparing us a glance.

"Beautiful?" She said incredulously, raising her eyebrow. "Are you gonna write a sonnet for him now? Hate to burst your delusional bubble Elena, but he doesn't even know you exist." She said as we closed our lockers and started to leave the building.

I huffed in annoyance. I loved Caroline, but she was always so blunt. She didn't realize how her honesty could hurt. But most of the time I appreciated it. She was always the one to slap me with the hand of reality. "Thanks Caroline, I realized that."

"Well I'm just saying. He hasn't looked at you _once_ and you've been going to the same school for like three years!" she exclaimed, her blonde curls bouncing as she walked.

I sighed. She was right. I wasn't even on Damon's radar. "I know."

We headed to my car, and I chucked my school bag in the backseat. Stefan was getting into his car beside mine. "Hi Elena." He smiled kindly.

I just smiled back and got into the car. "He is so weird." Caroline said as we left the parking lot.

I laughed. "What? How is he weird?"

"That's all he's said to you every day of our senior year. Like, hello? Are those the only words in his vocabulary?" she joked.

I rolled my eyes. "No…he's just a shy guy. A man of few words, there's nothing weird about that." I navigated the car through the town towards Caroline's house.

"So says you." The car was silent for a moment before she piped up again turning towards me. "We're going to the Grounds tonight right?"

The Grounds was a place in the woods by the old Lockwood property that everyone would go to drink, party, and hook up. Every Friday night the Grounds were filled with juniors, seniors and lots of college students. I didn't really care to go most of the time. I wasn't really my scene, but I knew Damon would be going, because Rebekah _always_ went…so therefore I was going too. I had a thing about torturing myself mercilessly.

I nodded my head with a little smile at Caroline`s enthusiasm. "Yes, we're going. We always go, don't we?"

She clapped her hands excitedly. "Yay! But, and don't be mad, please can you not _force_ Bonnie to come again? She was such a bore last time!"

I glanced at her with my look; the one that said, 'That was rude.' "First of all, Luka just broke up with her; she was upset, and second I didn't _force_ her to come, I suggested that she needed to get out to take her mind off it." I pulled into Caroline's driveway.

"Well whatever." She brushed it off with the flick of her wrist. Caroline and Bonnie didn't really get on well. They were constantly bickering and fighting about everything, and I was always the mediator. Bonnie was in my Home Room class in my sophomore year and although we didn't get off to the right foot, she was a great friend now. One of the only two I had. "So come by later, my mom's not going to be home so I say we crack a bottle of her wine, and get drunk while we get ready." She suggested with a bright smile.

She was the wild one; the partier, the one in the spotlight. Bonnie was the wallflower; quiet, reserved and a little judgmental at times. Me…I was the dreamer. I would sit up in my room, and concoct different scenarios in my head about Damon. In some he would approach me at school and tell me his always noticed me and that he wanted me to be his, or he would break up with Rebekah because he was just using her as a distraction, or he would ask me to Prom and make it the most romantic and amazing night of my life. Every one of these scenarios ended with him grabbing my face and kissing me passionately. Yeeah…I'm obsessed.

"Yeah, but we're not driving if that's the case." I told her as she got out.

She giggled. "Well duh, that's what Tyler's for." She had been dating Tyler Lockwood for a few months now, and she had him whipped. "See you tonight."

Present Day:

I finally got home; I threw my heels in the corner and tossed my purse on a chair by the door before ambling towards the couch and sinking into the soft material.

I closed my eyes and tried to pull myself out of painful memories. There was no use looking back on the things you cannot change. My mother told me that before she died, and it was always something I took with me. Thinking about my mom made me wish that I was still the girl she remembered. The dreamer…the one that always thought of everyone, that made the right choices, the girl that was always smiling. Not this empty shell; broken and bruised on the inside, hurting others because it benefitted me in some way, leaving a trail of broken hearts in my wake.

That was who I was now. This evil version of who I used to be and I've lost people in my life because of it. Bonnie, Caroline, and now Matt, even my own brother cut me out. But I felt safer this way, because if I didn't let anyone in then I wouldn't get hurt. Sounded logical right?

My roommate popped her head out from the bathroom. "She finally returns." She exclaimed with sarcasm thick in her voice. "Four nights straight, I think you broke your record." She joked as she sauntered over and plopped down next to me. "What poor soul got caught in your web last night?"

I glared at her in irritation. "God Lexi, you make me sound like a bitch from hell." I grumbled, leaning my head back on the couch.

She laughed. "You are, but you're only runner up to me. So, who was it?" she urged slapping my leg playfully.

I grabbed a pillow and buried my face into it. "No one." I mumbled. Ugh, I was either still drunk or very hungover.

"Liar! You just don't know his name…am I right?" I was silent. "You little slut!"

I hit her with the pillow. "Shut up, girl's gotta have her fun right?" That was our line. Our catch phrase, if you will. It's what I said to make me feel better about being so foul.

She laughed again, before grabbing the pack of cigarettes of the table and lighting one. "Hell yeah you do! Take me with you next time…you always know where all the hot ones are." She took a deep drag. "So what are your plans for tonight? Seeing that Matt guy again?"

I shook my head. "No, I broke up with him." An image of his heartbroken face flashed in my head, and I forced myself not to feel guilty about it. I was doing him a favor. "He caught me on the walk of shame home."

Lexi raised her eyebrows. "Shit. Why'd you break up with him?" she took another deep drag.

I sighed. "I could see it in his eyes Lex; every time he'd look at me it was like he was dying to tell me he loved me and it freaked me out." I confessed.

"Whoa…haven't you two only been seeing each other for a couple of months?"

"Exactly! I figured I let him go now before he blurts it out one day." I cuddled further into the couch, wrapping the blankets around me. "I'm going to take a nap…I didn't get any sleep last night. But tonight…we're going out for your birthday." I told her, my eyes closed.

"Really, where are we going?" Lexi asked taking a last drag and putting out her smoke in the ashtray.

I smiled. "We're going to Georgia."

Lexi jumped up. "Hell yeah!" Lexi had been begging me to go with her to Georgia where there was this club called 'The Red Door'. She used to live in Georgia before coming to Virginia, and all she could talk about was this place, which was apparently the best night club in Atlanta. "Oh I am so stoked! I can't wait…this is gonna be awesome!" she ran back to her room, probably to start figuring out what she was going to wear. She kind of reminded me of Caroline in that way.

2 Years Ago:

I looked around at the large group of people on the Grounds. There were bonfires and kegs, and tons of people playing drinking games like Beer Pong, King's Cup, people going Keg stands and couples making out.

My eyes immediately scanned the area looking for Damon, but they found Rebekah instead. She was walking in my direction, clearly upset with a bottle of rum in her hand. "Elena…so glad you could make it." She slurred with a drunken smile on her face. I wasn't sure if she was being serious or not so I just smiled slightly at her. "You know, I always regretted not being friends with you." She said as she leaned on the tree next to her. "You were always so nice to me…you let me borrow your crayons." We were in the same class in elementary school, but we never hung out after that. "Boys are so stupid." She mumbled, changing the subject quickly. "He totally forgot that it's my birthday! I threw this huge party, and my own boyfriend forgot about my birthday. At first…" she hiccupped. "I thought that he was pretending to forget, so that he could surprise me…" she took a big gulp of the rum, straight. I cringed at the thought. "But he really forgot!" she screeched.

I reached over and gently pulled the bottle from her hands. "I don't think you should be drinking anymore." She didn't even notice, she just continued on as if I never said anything.

"I do so much for him, and this is the appreciation I get?" she swayed a little, and her brows furrowed. "I don't feel good."

I lead her to a more secluded part of the woods so the school's princess could puke in peace. She leaned her hands against a tree as she threw up, and I held her hair back. Here I was comforting a girl I hated while she complained about the guy I loved. Irony.

I heard someone calling out her name, getting closer and closer. "Bex? Hey, babe…you okay?" he said soothingly. I looked up at him my insides melted. He didn't even look at me as he took the bottle out of my hand and ran his hand up and down Rebekah's back. She stood straight and Damon smiled at her, brushing her hair back from her face. He pulled some McDonald napkins from his jacket pocket and cleaned her up before placing a kiss on her forehead. "I'm sorry baby…you know I love you, I didn't mean to forget okay?"

Rebekah fell into his embrace, nodding into his chest. "Okay…" she mumbled.

"Thanks." Again he didn't even look at me when he said it; he just turned around and walked away with her.

I sighed. "You're welcome." I felt like I was completely incapable of moving. I felt like I had taken blow after blow after blow to the heart. First the quick but soft graze of his hand as he grabbed the bottle, then the whispered 'I love you' and to top it off he completely avoided my gaze the entire time.

I couldn't have felt like a bigger idiot. I shook my head and headed back to the party, grabbing a beer out of the cooler as I headed towards the bonfire. Caroline was sitting with Tyler, joking and laughing with each other so I didn't want to bother them. I opted for sitting on a log around the fire, by myself, fully prepared to pound back my beer so I could have another one. I wasn't really the type to drown my sorrows, but this felt like the appropriate time to do so.

"Hi Elena." I didn't even have to look at who sat down beside me to know who it was.

"Hi Stefan." I smiled, but it didn't reach my eyes. I scanned the area to see where Damon and Rebekah went. Even though I didn't like her, I still hoped she was okay.

"He took Rebekah home." He said suddenly.

I looked at him sharply. I was stunned for two reasons; A) He said something to me other than 'Hi Elena' and B) because he clearly knew about how I felt about his brother. "Who?" I played dumb, what else was I supposed to do?

"Damon." He mumbled, looking down at his shoes briefly. "That _is_ who you were looking for, right?"

"No." I said quickly…too quickly. "A-actually…" I stuttered as I forced a lie. I was never good at lying. "I was looking for Rebekah." I nodded satisfied with my answer. "Yeah, she was sick earlier so, I wanted to make sure she got home okay, which she will so…" I trailed off mentally smacking myself for sounding so stupid.

He laughed. I've never heard him laugh…ever. "You don't have to lie, you know."

"I'm not." I chugged back the rest of my beer. "Mm, I'm on empty, I'm gonna grab another one." I quickly got up and half ran half jogged to the cooler to grab another beer leaving Stefan by himself. I felt bad because he was being nice to me, but I felt so uncomfortable that I just had to get out of there. I definitely didn't want Stefan telling Damon about my feelings for him.

And then an idea popped in my head. If I hung out with Stefan, I would get closer to Damon. I could be in his house…no! I shook that idea away before I read too much into it. I was not that person. I didn't use people in order to get closer to someone else. That was so wrong. I decided beer was not something I should be drinking…it made me think like some scheming bitch from a high school drama show. I put the beer bottle back and realized I didn't want to be here anymore.

I didn't want to bother Caroline, she was clearly busy, so I made my way to the path that led to the road and headed home. The thing I loved about Mystic Falls was that everything was so close. It didn't take me long to walk anywhere in town. The trek home took me about ten minutes, give or take. The thing I hated about it was that I lived right next door to Rebekah. Yup! There's my luck for ya! By the time I was walking up my driveway, I noticed Damon leaving her house.

I slowed my pace; wanting to draw out whatever time I could in his presence. I hoped he'd say something, anything. But as we passed each other I realized that he wasn't going to say anything. He never did. I couldn't count how many times we've walked by each other like passing ships and he never said anything…of course I was too chicken shit to say anything myself.

I entered my house quietly, not wanting to wake anyone, and slipped up to my room. I didn't even bother to change as I curled up on my bed over the covers. It was days like this where I wish I could just get over him. It wasn't doing me any good holding on to this delusion. I wanted something I couldn't have…and it sucked.


	3. Fading Reminder

Chapter 3: Fading Reminder

1 Year and 11 months ago:

I couldn't have been more anxious. It was only the first class of the day and I already wanted to go home. I didn't get any sleep last night because I was too busy thinking about the new I got earlier that day.

My parents, Isobel and John, had been acting strange for the past couple of weeks; talking in private, going to 'run errands' for hours at a time, crying and yelling at each other. I thought they were getting a divorce. I wish they were because it wouldn't be as bad as what was really happening.

My mother had cancer. She said the doctors didn't know how bad it was just yet, but they were going to do the best they could. They would run some more tests and get her started on treatments; they said she had a good chance of surviving this.

A good chance? What kind of answer was that? I needed the data, the percentage…I needed more than 'a good chance' to ease my mind. This was my mother!

I was jarred out of my thoughts when Stefan placed his hand gently on my shoulder. In this class, he would always sit beside me, unless someone beat him to it. "Are you okay?" he asked with concern in his eyes.

I nodded. "I'm fine." I lied. I must have told that lie about ten times this morning. I couldn't even tell Bonnie or Caroline. I was afraid that saying it out loud would make it more real.

Stefan's brow furrowed deeper. "Are you sure?" No one asked me that yet, and I had to struggle not to let my voice wobble as I responded.

"Mhm." I forced a fake smile and he seemed to let it go, although I could tell he wasn't convinced. "Honestly…I'm fine." I tried to reassure him. I wasn't the type to lie, but I just couldn't stop them from pouring out of my mouth.

He nodded and turned his head back to the front of the class. I let out an eternal sigh of relief, and continued to tune out the world around me.

The rest of school went by uneventfully as usual, although I was curious of the fact that Damon had not dropped off nor picked up Rebekah that day. In fact I hadn't seen him at all. He would always stop by on his lunch break and visit her on her block off. I headed out to my car, knowing that Caroline was at cheerleading practice and wouldn't need a ride, and if I was being honest with myself I was kind of glad. I couldn't handle her bubbly attitude right now.

As I was walking across the courtyard I saw Bonnie rushing over to me out of my peripheral. I tried to act like I didn't see her and continued towards the parking lot.

"Elena!" she called out. Damn it, now I had to acknowledge her. She caught up to me quickly. "Hey…couldn't you hear me?" she asked frowning at me.

"Sorry, kind of spaced out."

She sighed. "Look, I'm sorry about the other day, I didn't mean to make you mad at me."

I shrugged indifferently. The truth was that I knew she said what she did to get to me in some way. "It's fine." Another lie.

She put a hand on my arm, stopping me. "No…Elena, what I said was mean and I didn't mean to hurt you. I just think that you need to stop focusing so much on someone that doesn't notice you. Damon's a dick…Rebekah deserves him." She stated firmly.

I huffed out a bitter laugh. I wanted to defend him and tell her that he was anything but a dick. That he was sweet and a good person beneath the front he puts up for everyone else. God, I studied the guy enough. I wanted to tell her how angry I was at her for judging him, and judging me all the time because of my choices. I wanted to tell her that you can't just fall out of love with someone at the drop of a hat because it's unrequited. I spent _three years_ in love with Damon Salvatore! _Three years_ and he didn't even know my name. But right now the only thing that was making any sense to me was my love for him. I wasn't willing to give that up. But I couldn't tell her any of that…and I couldn't tell her what was really going on either so instead I settled for,

"It's fine, Bonnie. Look…I have to go, can I call you later?" The truth was I wasn't really planning on calling her at all. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to anyone but my mother.

She nodded. "Okay." I pulled out of the parking lot, and sped home. I wish I had stayed home like Jeremy did; like my parents suggested, but I thought that could distract myself. I rushed in the front door glancing around for any sign of my mom.

"Mom?" I entered the kitchen, empty. "Dad?" I walked into the living room, empty. I took the stairs two at a time checking my parent's room first. It was empty just like all the other rooms. I didn't even bother knocking on Jeremy's door I just barged in. He was sitting in his bed blasting his music through his headphones. He looked miserable. He pulled one headphone off and looked at me expectantly. "Where's mom and dad?" my voice shook.

"Doctor's." he mumbled putting his headphone back over his ear. He was blocking out the outside world…that's how he dealt with things. I couldn't blame him; I had my own messed up way of dealing with it. I would put on this mask and fake a smile and pretend like everything was okay for everybody else's sake, while I internally self-destructed.

I nodded and left his room to go to my own, throwing myself on my bed and forcing back tears. I didn't want to let them fall, because I knew that they wouldn't stop. _I don't want you to worry about it, I'm going to be fine, sweetheart._ My mom had told me after the shocking news. Like she could tell me something like that and I _wouldn't_ be worried.

For the first time ever I did something that I hadn't done since I was a little girl…I prayed.

Present Day:

We had an interesting drive from Richmond to Georgia; including a couple of pit stops, a few drinks and lots of compliments. We laughed as we pulled out of the parking lot of small pub. We had met the two guys that owned the place who were pleasantly surprised to see 'two beauties' walk into their bar. They were cute, and eager to make us stick around, but unfortunately for them Lexi and I found fun in being a tease. They got phone numbers of course…just not ours.

We pulled up to the hotel we were staying at for that night and walked through the doors to the lobby. Lexi was my only friend these days, and I wanted to do something special for her. So I splurged for a nice hotel, there was even valet and a doorman.

"This is sweet." Lexi exclaimed looking around. She spotted the guy behind the counter and turned back to me and raised an eyebrow. "So is the service." She giggled.

I laughed and followed her in watching her strut up to the counter. "Hi." She said resting her crossed arms on the counter showing off her chest.

"Hi." He smiled back brightly. It was too easy for her sometimes. "Welcome to the Pinnacle Hotel, how can I help you?" His eyes ran over her body, lingering on her chest longer than necessary.

"There should be a room for Lexi Malone." She leaned forward trying to look over the counter.

His fingers typed furiously on the computer looking up her name. "Okay, so that's one room with two queen beds. You'll be in room 1202 on the twelve floor."

She winked at him. "Thanks." We started to head towards the elevators when his voice stopped us.

"And if you need anything else, I'll be here…all night." He smiled a little nervously.

Lexi chuckled a little to herself before she turned around. "I'll keep that in mind." As we got on the elevator I glanced sideways at her.

"God, you need to start making a list of all these guys if you ever want to keep track of them." I joked.

She turned to me. "How do you do it?"

I laughed. It sounded playful but to my own ears it sounded bitter. "I don't keep track of them. There hasn't been anyone worth keeping track of anyway." I continued nonchalantly.

Lexi frowned. "Seriously? You mean there hasn't been _one_ guy that you've had feelings for…no one that meant anything to you?" she seemed perplexed. Lexi wasn't a slut parse, but she but she enjoyed casual sex, like I did…although her reasons were different from mine. Despite her many flings, she still hoped that one of them would turn into love; she still believed in love. That's what made us different. Love was just a fading reminder of who I used to be.

I shrugged uninterestedly. "Nope." A lie of course…but Lexi knew nothing of my past, and I would have preferred to keep it that way. She wouldn't believe the ways I changed from the sweet, loving empathetic girl I was into…well _this_.

She stared at me for a moment longer with narrowed eyes, like she was trying to see if I was telling the truth. Luckily, I had perfecting the lying thing. "Huh. Aren't we a pair…I'm searching for love, and you run away from it."

I nodded, thinking back again to how crazy I was about Damon; how even just seeing him smile for a second made me smile, even if it wasn't for me. I thought about how much I loved him…and how much it destroyed me.

1 Year and 10 months ago:

I peeked out my bedroom window and my jaw went a little slack. There was Damon storming out of Rebekah's house, with her running out after him crying. I situated myself so I wouldn't be seen, but still have a decent view. If they were breaking up I wanted to watch it!

They rarely fought and when they did it was never Damon getting angry. Rebekah clung to his arm obviously begging him not to go, and he pulled his arm free glaring at her before viciously ripping open the door of his car and getting in. He peeled out his tires shrieking, and left Rebekah crying in front of her house.

I couldn't believe it! I had never seen Damon anything but loving towards her; everyone thought they'd be together forever. Damon never yelled at her, he was always affectionate, he found the things that she did that would bug the shit out of everyone else endearing. He was the perfect boyfriend. I learned a lot about Damon just by how he looked at her. It was genuine…you could see it, like it was tangible or something. It was the way _every_ girl wanted to be looked at by a man.

I know…stalker much? You know when you have an obsession with a celebrity? Like the sexy lead actor in your favorite tv show? Yeah, Damon is my celebrity; I could see him, I could know him…but he would never know me.

I moved away from the window and went to the living room. My mom, my dad and my brother were all sitting on the couch together watching tv. I stopped in the doorway just to appreciate it. My dad was sitting on the end his arm wrapped around her shoulders, my mom in the middle snuggled into dad's side, and Jeremy taking the rest of the couch, stretched out with his head resting on a pillow sitting on mom's lap. Despite Jeremy being 5'9 and 180 pounds, he was still my mom's baby. I almost didn't want to intrude…

"'Lena?" she called out with a smile. "Are you going to come and sit with us, or just stand in the doorway?" her voice was fainter than usual and she wore a scarf around her head. She shaved it today, by herself without hesitation, very impulsively. She was always a spontaneous person. Her reasoning was that her hair was all going to fall out anyways and she wasn't going to wait around for it. Plus she liked the scarf.

I smiled back as I walked into the room. "Well I was looking for a spot but I think it's being filled by this giant brother shaped figure." I teased, pushing his feet off the couch so I could sit down. He immediately put them back over my legs. I scoffed and gave him a look.

"You wanted to sit here, these are the terms." Jeremy chuckled. I started tickling his feet and he squirmed. "Okay, okay, okay!" Jer moved his feet to the ground and sat up, leaving more room for me to move around. "You little cheater."

"I wasn't cheating; I was just using your weakness to my advantage." I laughed reaching for the popcorn bowl on the coffee table.

My dad chuckled but didn't comment. My mom looked up at him with knowing eyes. "I wonder where she got that from." I loved their relationship. My parents were perfect for each other. My dad wasn't that easy of a person to life with, but my mom knew how to keep him in check, but yet they were still playful and in love with each other.

"I didn't say anything." Dad replied starting at the tv with a little smirk. "Hey, are we gonna watch this movie or what?" an attempt at distraction. I looked over and caught my mom smiling up at him. He instinctively leaned down to kiss her, like he knew what she wanted. It was sweet and short, but it told her that he was _there_ in every sense of the word; no matter how sick she got or if she was bald, or if she couldn't do things for herself anymore. He was _there_. I wanted someone to be there…I wanted Damon to be there.

I sighed and put Damon to the back of my head. Right now I needed to be with my family, because time was precious.


	4. This Thing Is Slowly Taking Me Apart

A/N: Thank you so much to those of you that story alerted me and left reviews! I love reviews. I wanted to mention that some of you, if you're reading it (because I am) will see a few similarities between this story and 'Somebody I used to know' by newsgirl83, which is a great story by the way and I urge you to read it! Anyways all my ideas are my own and I have actually prewritten majority of this storyline already. I just would like to clear that up because I noticed it myself. This story is based on "Something I Can Never Have' by Flyleaf. Great song.

Now, on with it!

Chapter 4: This Thing Is Slowly Taking Me Apart

Present:

I applied my lipstick as we were getting ready to hit the club later that night. Lexi didn't question me anymore on that previous conversation and I was happy for it. We dressed in our hottest outfits and our highest heels.

Lexi was wearing a black skin tight dress with a plunging neckline showing off her breasts. She wore a red belt that accentuated her waist and red strappy heels. Her make-up was done dramatically with dark eyeliner and dark red lipstick.

I decided on a short mini skirt with black lace overlay, and a strapless, black corset with red lace covering the bodice and trimming the hem and the bones. I chose a brighter red than Lexi for my lips and my Betsey Johnson black satin heels with a gem studded toe. They were my party shoes. They never did me wrong. I topped it with a short black leather jacket, giving me a rocker look and curled my hair so it fell in long perfect tendrils. I didn't do my make up too dark; I used browns and golds and light on the eyeliner. We looked hot to say the least.

"So…" Lexi started, as she straightened her hair. "Should I be waiting up for you? Do I even _want_ to come back here?" she joked.

I smirked at her through the mirror as I applied my lipstick. "Probably not." I laughed. "No, you don't need to worry about it. I'll let you know if I'm coming back here. You are the birthday girl…you should be able to take full advantage of the facilities." I gestured to the room around me.

"You're such a good friend." She told me with her head tilted. "I mean the hotel, being back home, having you here…I couldn't ask for more."

I waved my hand. "Don't worry about it. I was happy to; what's the point of having money if you can't spend it on the people you care about." I had gotten quite a bit of money from my mom's will, and I had been sitting on it while I was in college.

We decided to take a cab to the Red Door, and we didn't even have to wait in line. Lexi walked confidently right to the front and smiled brightly at the bouncer, who was looking down at his guest list. "I'm on the list." She waited for him to look up and when he did, his jaw dropped and he immediately picked her up.

"Lexi Malone! No fucking way, are you kidding me? God, it's been like two years!" he exclaimed, apparently very excited to see her.

"I know, I missed you Lee…this is my friend and roommate, Elena. Elena this was my partner in crime when I was a kid, Lee Abrams." Lexi introduced us. I stuck out my hand and he held it, locking eyes with me and kissing the back of my hand.

"Pleasure." He smiled sweetly.

Lexi raised a brow and pointed at him. "Don't even think about it." For a second I thought she was protecting me from his charms…but then I realized that it was him she was protecting. "So are you gonna let us in or what?" she cocked her hip and smirked at him.

Lee took his eyes off me finally and turned back to his friend. "Of course, like I'm gonna make you wait out here. I'll come in and find you two after my shift. It's was nice meeting you Elena."

I nodded. "It was nice meeting you too." He unlatched the rope and let us through smiling at me the whole time. I kept eye contact with him until I couldn't any longer. He was pretty cute.

Lexi pulled me through coat check and faced me with a serious look. "No." she said firmly.

I laughed at her abruptness. "No, what?" I took off my coat and hung it on a hanger with Lexi's, giving it to the woman behind the counter.

"Not Lee. Any other guy you want in the place, you can have…but don't go after him." She stated firmly. It was the most serious I've ever seen her.

"Why not…he's cute." I cast another glance toward the door.

"Because, Lee is my friend and I love him to death and if you get your claws in him _I'm_ theone that's going to have to pick up the pieces. He falls hard and fast, and you would only end up hurting him." She said in a quick rant.

I blinked in shock. "Wow Lexi, tell me how you really feel." I replied sarcastically. My jaw tensed as I tried not to get mad at her. She was right. I was like a lethal panther, digging my claws in and ripping them out viciously. "Fine…look let's just have fun tonight, okay. It's your night." I backed down, smiling at her.

She smiled back. "Thank you. You know I love you, I'm just looking out for him." We headed further into the club, moving through the crowd towards the bar like we owned the place.

We got to the bar and didn't have to wait long before some guy came up and bought us a round of shots. And then another round, and another, and another.

Only an hour later and we were on our way to drunkville. Hitting the bar or the club was our weekend ritual so we had a pretty high tolerance for alcohol.

"So uh…what do you ladies have planned for the rest of the night?" the guy asked us with a slur.

I looked and Lexi and she gave me a subtle nod. "We have to go to the bathroom." I didn't even give him time to answer; I just grabbed Lexi's hand and took off into the crowd. We laughed as we made our way to the dance floor and started getting lost in the music.

Hours went by, and guys came up to dance, trying to grind and touch us but we floated away and continued to enjoy ourselves. Lee joined us after his shift, and as much as he tried I was doing a pretty good job at politely backing off. When he started dancing with me, I could see Lexi glance at me and I excuse myself, saying I needed a drink. I disappeared through the crowd, heading up to the bar, stumbling a little in my drunkenness. I laughed at myself, as I leaned my upper body on the bar, smiling at the bartender. "Another double long island please." I asked him sweetly.

"Sure beautiful." He winked and made my drink for me quickly, placing it in front of me. "On the house."

I slanted my head to the right. "Thank you!" I took a big sip from the straw gazing at him from under my eyelashes. I put my drink down, and turned back to face the crowd, leaning my arms on the bar. I caught sight of Lexi having a great time and it made me smile. She always knew how to party.

I glanced to my right and caught a man, probably in his mid to late thirties eying me like a predator eyes his prey. I turned away and grabbed my drink finishing it off quickly before leaving it behind on the counter. I made my way back towards Lexi and she was dancing up a storm. 'Sexy and I know it' was on, and oh boy did she know it. We danced for a little bit before I had an urge that I only had when I drank.

"Hey!" I called out over the music. "Can I have a smoke?" I made the motion with my hand so she understood.

She reached into her purse as she was dancing and handed me her pack. I pushed through the crowd, feeling considerably drunk. I was in wastedland. Damn that iced tea was strong! I finally made it through the throngs of people and into the cool air of the outdoors. But for some reason I was still feeling hot, and dizzy…something wasn't right. I made my way around the corner towards the parking lot to have some privacy. If I was going to puke I didn't want anyone to see.

The last thing I remember was leaning against a car…and then everything went black.

1 Year and 2 months ago:

10 months. 10 months since my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and it wasn't getting better. It did briefly; she seemed to have more energy, but it was all for show so we wouldn't be so worried. She was in the hospital getting a mastectomy. I sat in the waiting room with my dad and brother, biting my thumb nail and bouncing my knee endlessly.

Everything was going wrong. My mom was supposed to get better, not get worse, not lose her breasts, and not sit in a hospital as they pumped her full of medication. She was supposed to be at home joking and laughing with her family, doing the spontaneous things that she loved, _living her life_. She had a bad reaction to the chemo and she had to stop treatments immediately, and the cancer had spread further. Her only option was to have her breasts removed.

My mom wasn't impulsive with that decision. When the doctor told her she asked to be alone. She was in her hospital room alone for almost half an hour when she called me in.

_I opened the door quietly. I felt like everything had to be quiet lately as to not disturb her. "Hi mom." I whispered._

_She was sitting cross-legged looking down at her palms. It was clear that she was crying as tears traced her face. She glanced up at me and immediately smiled although it was sad and weak. "Hi sweetheart, come here. Sit with me." She patted the spot beside her._

_I walked over slowly and sat in front of her; one knee bent up on the bed. She grabbed my hands and they felt fragile and shaky. She had lost weight from the chemotherapy and she hadn't gained it back. I tried hard not to cry when I looked her in the eyes. She was my mom. Isobel Gilbert, but it looked like she was fading. Her skin was pale, dark circles under her eyes and she visible looked worn down. I bit my bottom lip. The only part of her I sincerely recognized was her eyes. They still held their fire…their life. _

"_I'm going to be fine." She finally said although there was a wobble in her voice. _

"_We're just going to get this surgery over with and things will get better." She nodded looking at me in the way only a mother could. The only way **my** mother could. It was in the tone of her voice; a sweet light sound that never stopped reassuring me. That told me no matter what she'd be there._

_I nodded, finally letting the tears fall. Within seconds I was full out sobbing in my mother's arms, as she rocked me and kissed my head. _

"_I'll be okay." She promised. I couldn't tell you how long we stayed that way, with me cuddled in her embrace like when I was a child. _

_I heard a knock and then the doctor opened the door popping her head in. "Mrs. Gilbert? We're going to start prepping you for the OR in a few moments. Would you like me to send your family in?" she asked already knowing the answer._

"_Please." She didn't let go of me until Jeremy came in. He joined us on the bed, hugging both of us, as my dad sat beside my mom in the chair holding one of her hands._

_We were always such a close family, and I had this feeling that it wouldn't be that way for much longer._

_I was right._

I couldn't sit here anymore, waiting. I was restless and nervous and a bunch of other things I had yet to process. I told Jeremy and my dad I was going to look for a vending machine even though I didn't have an appetite. They didn't seem to notice that I left.

I walked through the halls towards the elevator and waited for it to hit my floor. I needed some air. When the doors opened I got in and pushed the main floor button staring at the decreasing numbers. It stopped two floors down on the sixth floor. I huffed impatiently and when the doors opened my heart stop for a second.

Damon got on the lift and angrily pushed the down button holding his arm gingerly, which was wrapped up in bandages. There was some blood on the sleeve of his shirt and on his other hand. He must have gotten into a fight or something. I glanced to my left, gazing at his profile before looking away. Damon kept staring straight ahead, his jaw tensing visibly.

This was awkward. I felt like I wanted to say something but I didn't know what I would say if I was even capable. I cast another side glance toward him, tucking my hair behind my ear and clearing my throat. Nope. I couldn't even bring myself to say 'hi'. There couldn't have been a worse time to be confined in a small space with him, like say when I wasn't here waiting for my mother to get out of surgery, or when I wasn't an emotional disaster, and wearing yesterday's clothes and make-up.

Why was this elevator so slow? I felt like was suffocating, I felt dizzy…I sighed deeply leaning into the wall for support and closed my eyes waiting to feel more grounded.

"You alright?" That just about did it.

My eyes popped open and I looked at him in surprise. I blinked wondering if I maybe fell asleep in the waiting room. "Uh…" it was the first time he directly spoke to me and all I could say was 'uh' like some complete idiot. So I nodded.

A second later the doors binged and opened and he stepped out striding out the front doors. I followed out after him slowly in stunned silence. The wind was refreshing and helped me feel better. I leaned against the wall of the building and sighed. I intentionally wanted to leave the waiting room to clear my thoughts, but they just seemed to get cloudier.

This link for Elena's shoes: http: / . com /images /shoes /main_view/ medium /ZBJ220_MAIN. jpg no spaces

A/N: Now I know you probably can't _wait_ to see more of Damon, and I promise you will in the next chapter. Thank you for reading, and I love hearing back from the readers!


	5. Echoing Your Voice

Chapter 5: Echoing Your Voice Just Like the Ringing in my Ears

Present Day:

Pain was the first thing I felt. Pain in my head, pain in my stomach…it was probably the worst hangover I've ever had. That's when I realised that I blacked out, and had no idea how I got back to the hotel.

I moved slightly under the covers of the bed testing my mobility. I didn't even have it in me to open my eyes yet. The pillow smelt nice; like…a man. Well I clearly didn't go back to the hotel. I opened my eyes and looked around me, taking in the fairly clean and decently sized bedroom. I didn't even remember meeting any guy worth going home with…unless I left with Lee, in which case I may no longer be friends with Lexi.

I heard movement coming down the hallway and closed my eyes hoping it wasn't Lee. I didn't want to disappoint her friend. "You awake?" the voice asked.

My eyes popped open and I looked down at the socked feet beside the bed. I dragged my heavy eyes up to his face. "Oh my God." I mumbled to myself in shock and stupidity. Damon stood before me, holding a glass of water and some aspirin.

He smiled as if having me in his bed was a daily occurrence. "I was wondering if you were going to sleep the day away. Here…" he handed me the glass but I couldn't take it right away. I was still in complete disbelief.

I sat up straight and regretted it immediately. I clutched my head and pulled the duvet up to my neck staring at him with uncertainty and anger. "Where am I, what am I doing here?" I looked around again, locating my things quickly for my escape.

Damon sighed put the glass and aspirin on the nightstand. "You're at my apartment."

"Why?" I demanded glaring at him.

"I think someone slipped something in your drink last night." My eyes widened. "I was pulling into the parking lot at the club, I saw you collapse and there was some guy hovering around so I picked you up and brought you here." He explained quickly trying to get me to calm down.

My eyes pierced through his. "And you didn't think to take me to a hospital!" I grit my teeth in anger, both at him and the situation. He could have very well saved me from that guy, but I _did not_ want to be here.

He rolled his eyes. "Well I was going to so they could pump your stomach…but you took care of that on the way. Twice." He half smirked; the half smirk that used to make me melt now it just made me mad.

I shook my head in disgust. "I've got to go." I throw the blankets off, glad that was still wearing all my clothes and gingerly dropped my feet to the ground.

"Elena." His voice saying my name made me stop. "I'm sorry…" I didn't even want to turn around and see the look on his face.

"For what?" I played dumb, knowing full well what he was apologizing for.

He sighed. "You know what." He walked around the big bed and stood in front of me. "I'm sorry, Elena."

I laughed bitterly and looked away from him. "_Now_ you want to apologize…after all this time? It doesn't mean anything now." I grabbed my heels off the ground and headed for the bedroom door. He grabbed my arm and forced me to face him. "Let go of me." I bit out glaring at his hand.

"Please…just stay for a while. Can we talk?" I didn't know why he was so eager for me to stay after everything, but part of me still couldn't resist him.

I huffed and crossed my arms. "Fine. What do you want to talk about?" I asked sarcastically.

He took a moment to collect himself and let out a deep breath before leveling his gaze with mine. "I was an ass back then…I was selfish, and I wasn't thinking about anything but my own pain. I had no idea that you were going through your own. I'm so sorry for how I treated you." He sounded sincere, and I knew he was…that was something I always loved about him.

I shook my head. "You weren't selfish Damon…not until Rebekah made you that way. But I was going through my own pain…my mom was dying, I was a mess and my family was falling apart and when you showed up…" I trailed off not really knowing how to continue. I was still so furious. Everything that had taken place that led me to where I am now was because of him, and although I loved him once, I _hated_ him for it.

"I know…" he nodded. "I took advantage of you." He swallowed, having a hard time saying the words.

My head snapped up to stare at him. "No you didn't Damon. You were there, I was a willing participant. Both times!" I stated. I was defending him against himself…weird right? "I _wanted_ it…I needed it, and so did you. I'm not mad at you because we slept together; I'm mad because you never spoke to me again!" I yelled, unable to hold back the emotions. He stood there obviously struggling with himself as I continued to yell, tears gathering in my eyes. "I spent _three_ years thinking you didn't even know my name, let alone I existed! I walked past you every day when you went to Rebekah's house, I even took advanced art with you one year and you never _once _even _looked_ at me! Then one day you show up at my house at four o'clock in the morning, drunk?" I shook my head as one tear fell. "And to never hear from you again…for you to go back to completely ignoring me; that's unforgivable." My voice wobbled and I stormed out of the room, trying my best to hold it together.

Emotions that I had buried for so long were fighting to get out, and I had spent too much time and energy to get it there. I couldn't find my purse in the living room and with each passing second more tears were falling. The woman that I created as a façade, the mask that I put in place was crumbling in my hands. As I was searching the room, Damon came out.

"Elena…" My name sounded so nice on his lips; it reminded me of how he said it over and over and over that night…and how he never said it again.

I held up a hand to stop him. "No, don't. Don't say my name like that, like you know me, you don't. Where's my purse?" I let my hair curtain my face to hide my tears.

"Please…you shouldn't be out like this, just stay until you feel better." He was speaking softly in a way that reminded me of how he used to speak to Rebekah.

"Why?" I turned around to face him crossing my arms. "Why would I want to stay here with you and talk about the horrors of my teenaged years, huh? Because let me tell you Damon it didn't get much better. The only way I'm going to feel better is if I leave. Where is my purse?" I demanded again.

Damon stared at me for a long while before sighing. "It's in the room." He left to go grab it and when he came back he held it out for me. I snatched it out of his hands and left without looking back.

It was probably one of the hardest most painful things I've ever done besides bury my mother, but I knew that I needed to do that. I needed to let him go, because if I didn't his voice would echo through my mind forever. As I left the apartment, I knew that I was still very uneasy, but with all the emotion and adrenaline I was distracted from it. I took a cab back to the hotel, feeling tired, and worse for wear.

Tears fell the entire time and I didn't even try to hold them back. I was angry, and bitter; everything that I worked so hard on fell around me in pieces and I had no idea how to fix it. I got back to the hotel room and was surprised and glad to see that Lexi wasn't back. I needed some time to myself.

I took a long hot shower letting Damon fall off my shoulders like the water droplets. I let it cleanse me of last night's events and last year's events. By the time I was done, I felt numb again. It was something that was comfortable with…I felt safe again. I rung out my hair and wrapped myself in a towel when I heard a knock at the door. I figured Lexi forgot her key card, so I took my time going to the door.

Who I saw on the other side was not Lexi. "Hi…" Lee smiled, taking in my appearance. "Is Lexi here, she forgot her coat at the club." He turned it over in his hands.

I leaned against the door, and brought my damp hair around so it fell off my bare shoulder. "Um, no she's not here."

He nodded. "Okay can you give this to her for me?" he handed me the jacket and I tossed it on the chair. "What happened to you last night…you just took off." He seemed upset about this.

I gave him a half smile. "I don't really want to talk about it. Bad night." I said in a way of explanation.

"Alright, well I should uh, get going…" the way he trailed off told me he didn't want to, and then something in me snapped. Like it clicked into place, and I knew what I had to do.

I tilted my head to the side and smiled at him coyly. "Do you want to come in?" I looked up at him from under my lashes, and shifted my weight to one leg, exposing it more. His smile turned more sinister and he entered closing the door behind him.

Hours later I woke up to see him still sleeping. I sighed in satisfaction. I got what I wanted, like I always did and I felt better; still numb, but like I accomplished something. I stared at him as he started to wake up. Lee smiled sleepily at me, reaching up to touch my face, but I pulled away.

"You should probably go." I told him with no emotion in my voice.

He laughed. He didn't think I was being serious. "What?"

I rolled my eyes. "I said you should probably go. Lexi will be back soon."

He sat up frowning at me. "Who cares? Lexi doesn't control me; I can be with whoever I want." He tried to grab my hand but I pulled it away again.

I stared him straight in the eyes. "You can't be with me." I told him firmly.

He smiled. "And why not?" he still thought I was teasing him.

"Because I make all the rules. It was just sex…it would _never_ be more than that." He looked wounded, like I just stabbed him in the stomach. "What else did you think this was?" I laughed. I could have been nicer about it, but then there would have been no point. I needed to inflict pain…it took away from the pain I inflicted on myself.

He swallowed. "I like you, Elena…I thought there was something between us, a-"

"A what?" I giggled. "A connection? A chemistry…a spark?" I mocked him mercilessly. "Come on, Lee. It's called sexual attraction, and we took care of that…" I looked down at his chest. "A few times."

He shook his head. "It was more than that."

I rolled my eyes and lay flat on my back. "God, if I knew you were going to act this way about it-"

"What? You'd find someone else? You're fucked up." He started getting out of bed, pulling on his boxers.

I laughed staring at the ceiling. "Yup." I looked to my right and realized that we didn't even use the bed I picked for myself.

I heard the door unlock and Lexi stumbled in looking very hung over. Her eyes landed on me lying naked in bed, and drifted to Lee who was pulling his jeans on. "What the fuck." She growled.

I smiled. "Hey Lex, have a good night?" I stretched languorously.

She slammed the door behind her and glared at me. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" she yelled storming up to me. "I tell you to leave him alone and you go and fuck him anyway? I knew you were fucked, but this is low, I thought you were my friend!"

I stood up taking the sheet with me, looking her square in the face, with a dark expression. "I don't have friends Lexi…and I don't need them. I don't need him either." I pointed at Lee who grabbed his shirt and stormed out. "Men are just toys to me." I smirked, using a sweet tone that completely contradicted it. "Little toys that I like to play with and when I'm done I throw them out…because they're useless." I ended firmly.

Lexi shook her head. "You are one sick puppy. Whatever happened to you to make you this way…you need to get over it. Because it's making you a _bitch_." She yelled in my face.

I smiled. "Thank you." She grabbed her coat and left me in the room, still holding the sheet around my naked body. The truth was I was glad to hear that. If I was a bitch then no one would bother…and I could be as alone as I felt.

A/N: I hoped you guys liked this chapter! More Damon to come…Also I hope you were all surprised by the turn of events. Elena's about to take a downward spiral, and I'm very excited to write it. I love Elena like this, and I know it's a lot like Katherine, but Elena is still in there somewhere. Please review and let me know what you think.

Reviews encourage me to post faster!

Vanessa


	6. I'm Starting To Scare Myself

A/N: I know it's a little late, but it's also a long one. Basically DOUBLE my usual chapters! I'm pretty happy with this. There's more Damon in this one, and we find out some more of what happened between them. Hope you all like it!

WARNING: This chapter contains scenes of sexuality, coarse language and mature subject matter not intended for younger audiences….reader's discretion is advised. Hehe.

Chapter 6: I'm Starting to Scare Myself

11 months ago:

I was exhausted. I hadn't gotten any sleep in the past few weeks and even if I wanted to I didn't think I could. My mom was in the hospital again. The cancer came back. Actually what the doctor said was that they hadn't got all of it. Hadn't got all of it? They put my mom through hell, cut her open, removed her womanhood, taking her dignity along with it and they _still_ _get didn't all of it_?

It had progressed severely to the point where she was in Palliative Care. I had spent every night at the hospital with her, not wanting to be anywhere else. I was strong for my dad and my brother, but when I was alone with her and she was sleeping, I would cry. I couldn't help but fear the worst, and prepared myself for it.

Of course nothing could possibly prepare you for losing a parent, no matter how long you had. For the first time in weeks my dad forced me to go home with Jeremy while he stayed at the hospital; it was impossible to make him leave. Reluctantly, I drove us home, silence the entire way. I knew Jeremy was in a dark place, and I couldn't blame him…I didn't want to talk to anyone about it either.

We tried to keep what was going on with my mother quiet from the rest of the town. Gossip traveled fast in Mystic Falls and the last thing any of us wanted including my mom was pity and casseroles. The people that knew were close friends, my parent's bosses, and mine and Jeremy's teachers.

It wasn't easy telling Bonnie and Caroline; I knew they would be upset that I kept it from them for as long as I did. They were very supportive though, and vowed to keep it quiet for our family's sake. They helped me when I wasn't able or capable of going to school, coming to the hospital with me or just being there to talk to; but I still felt empty. I had this desperate need that wasn't being fulfilled and it was frustrating. I had a need to smash things, and scream and take out my anger.

When we got to the house, it was quiet, dark and cold. It didn't feel like home here. Jeremy went upstairs, taking them two at a time, and disappeared into his room for a moment, before coming back down with a backpack.

"I'm going to Anna's." he mumbled as he walked out the door again. He was spending a lot of time at his girlfriend's house when mom was in the hospital. He probably couldn't stand being in this house without her, and again I couldn't blame him.

But now that left me home by myself. I considered going to Bonnie's or Caroline's but it was already after midnight and I honestly didn't feel like talking or explaining anything. I was so tired, but far too anxious to sleep. I cleaned the entire house, top to bottom. I vacuumed, mopped the kitchen floor, cleaned the bathrooms and reorganized the pantry; alphabetically and by food groups. It was nearly 3am by the time I was done and I was in desperate need of a shower. It wasn't first priority these days and I hoped that it would wash away all my negative thoughts.

After my scalding hot shower, I towel dried my hair and wrapped myself in my fluffy purple robe. I threw myself on the bed and stared at the ceiling, my mind conjuring up different scenarios for how this could all play out in the end, good and bad.

I frowned and shot up in shock when I heard a loud persistent knock on the front door. My heart leaped into my throat as I thought the worst. I rushed down the stairs and took a calming shaky breath before I opened the door. I was stunned to see Damon standing on the other side, his hands rest on either side of the door frame, and a wild and determined look on his moonlit face.

My jaw went slack as I thought of something to say, but as usual I was unable to form words around him. But I didn't have to. He swooped in grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me into him for one of the most passionate kisses I've ever had. His hand weaved through my hair, and his other arm wrapped around my waist lifting me up as he made his way over the threshold.

I knew this was a dream. It couldn't possibly be happening…I fantasized about this moment for years in every way imaginable, but never did I think it would feel this good. I kissed him back with as much vigor and eagerness, wrapping my legs around his hips as he carried me up the stairs. He stopped at the top and I pointed to the direction of my room.

He almost walked into my parent's room and that when I realized what was happening. Damon was in my house, kissing me, and I was about to lose my virginity…while my mom was in the hospital. It felt so wrong, but the moment I felt my back hit the bed, and Damon was kissing up and down my neck and chest I lost all sight of reality. This was what I needed. A release, an escape, a distraction…and the fact that it was happening with a man I was in love with made it all the more special.

I didn't ask myself why he was here, or what was going to happen in the morning, I just lost myself in him; really _lost myself_. He deftly untied the robe, and opened it like a present, staring down at my naked form. I wanted to hide myself, but soon his hands were roaming freely over my skin and all I could do was arch into his touch.

He kissed and sucked at my breasts and nipples making me moan out in pleasure, and I reached for the hem of his shirt, eager to pull it off and see his toned chest. I threw it across the room and raked my nails down his back. I felt a jolt of excitement just hearing his positive reaction to it. He nearly growled, moving his face to my neck nipping and sucking the skin there.

"_Elena_." He whispered out my name like a prayer and I thought I might have just died. I didn't even think he _knew_ my name! His hand trailed down from the side of my face, down my neck, over my chest, down my stomach, and stopping at my hip bone. I arched into him again, telling him without words that I wanted this. His fingers danced down to my wet folds as if he were teasing me. "Oh you're so wet." he whispered again. It was clear that the thought alone was appealing to him. He entered me with his fingers, both of us moaning at the contact…me louder than him.

He continued to pump his fingers into me, and I caught him watching my face as I came. I was panting heavily, recovering from what was _the_ most amazing feeling I've ever felt, when I heard the sound of his belt buckle. Damon was standing in front of my bed, undoing his belt and jeans, quickly shedding the rest of his clothes, before crawling back up the bed like a panther.

His eyes were locked on mine the entire time until he was hovering over me, supporting his weight on his hands either side of me. He used one hand to stroke himself, nudging against my pussy as he did. He searched my eyes for permission or dismissal, and I gave him a subtle nod.

As he slowly started to enter me, I tossed my head back in pain and pleasure, gripping the sheets as he dropped his head to my shoulder, mumbling into my skin. "Elena…oh Elena you feel so good, fuck." He took a moment which I was glad for, because it fucking hurt, but as he moved in and out slowly the pain receded. The room was filled with the sounds of our moans, heavy breathing, and our names on each other's lips. It was the most passionate, most erotic thing I've ever experienced.

It continued for hours. Hours that I would have cherished for the rest of my life had the morning played out differently.

I woke up face down in my pillow, smelling his scent all over my bed. The biggest smile took over my face, and I rolled over to put my arm around him…but all I was met with was cold sheets. I sat up looking around with a frown. "Damon?" I thought he was in the bathroom. I got up bringing the sheet with me, and pushed open the door to the bathroom. Empty. "Damon?" That's when I smelt it. Breakfast. Eggs and bacon, even pancakes! I couldn't believe it…Damon was downstairs in my kitchen making me breakfast! I did a little skip down the stairs still wrapped in my red sheet and a huge grin on my face.

When I entered the kitchen it dropped immediately. My grin, not the sheet, he did not need to see me in all my naked glory. "Dad?"

He turned around, frowning at my appearance before giving me a forced smile. "Hi sweetheart. I thought I'd make the two of you some real breakfast for a change, but Jeremy's not here…probably at Anna's." he mumbled the last part to himself. "I got home about a half hour ago." He turned back to the stove.

I took this moment to re-wrap myself in the sheet so that my whole body was concealed. "He stayed there last night." I mumbled my heart breaking in two. Damon wasn't here. He wasn't making me breakfast…he left, and he didn't tell me.

My dad nodded. "I figured. Were you okay here last night by yourself?" he asked over his shoulder.

I had to hold my breath to keep my tears at bay. "Yeah…" I croaked. "I was so tired I just went straight to bed." I lied. Then I realized that if he checked the pantry he would know otherwise. "Well, I cleaned a little first." My voice was raspy from last night's events, and this morning's disappointment.

"Well go…get dressed," he said awkwardly "and when you come down it'll be on the table." He forced another smile. He looked more tired than I did but he was still trying to hold it together, even though it already fell apart. "And uh…" I knew he was going to make a joke. Whenever he said that, there was always a snarky remark that followed. "Pay _extra_ attention to your hair." He patted his head for emphasis.

I touched the top of my head and sighed. It was matted and wild, my natural waves coming out. "Lovely." I started walking away but his voice stopped me.

"Are you okay, Elena?"

I didn't even know what he meant by that. But the truth of them all was the answer he didn't want to hear. So I lied. "I'm fine." I walked away before he could stop me again and ran up the stairs to my room.

Present Day:

So I ditched Georgia, and Lexi. She said she was going to stay there for a few months and '_I better get all my fucking shit out of her apartment before she gets back!_' Whatever, if push came to shove I could always go to the lake house back home…buut that would be really shoving it.

I did it. I successful pushed any and all people of importance out of my life. But it didn't feel at all as I expected. I thought it would be easier being hated. I thought that I was finally free to do what I wanted without everyone's judgey little eyes on me. I thought I'd feel _free_…but I never felt so lost in my life.

Who was this person I turned into? This woman that distanced herself from her family did things to make her friends hate her and slept with men only to kick them out of her bed in the morning. I wasn't oblivious to the names people would call me around campus.

Harlot.

She-Wolf.

And my personal favorite: The Black Widow. A black widow would use the male for copulating purposes, and then eat them alive when they were through with them. I used to laugh at how accurate that metaphor was. Now it just made me feel dirty.

I was starting to scare myself. I lost everything that was important. I was down to just one thing; pain. The irony of it was that I did everything I could to make it go away, and now it was all I had left.

I had been home, or at Lexi's, for two weeks before she told me she was coming back, and that if anything of mine, including me, was still there she would throw it out the window. We lived on the tenth floor and she was a strong girl, so I wouldn't put it past her. I packed away everything that I could and hit the road. Back to Mystic Falls I guess. Coming home was the last thing I ever wanted to do…

9 months ago:

I wished it was me. I wished it was me they were putting in the ground and not my mother. My senior year could not have ended on a worse note. I cried silently as I put the rose on her coffin as it was being lowered. My father stood beside me, one hand holding mine and the other holding Jeremy's. The whole town was there, but there was one person that I most definitely _did not_ want to see. Damon stood beside his parents his head hung and his hands linked in front of him. Everyone was sad to see her go…but he didn't _deserve_ to be here.

I hadn't heard from him since that night. He never looked at me, never spoke to me, he went right back to acting like I didn't exist, and right back to Rebekah. Of course I had bigger things to worry about, but I guess I expected at least an explanation…or even an apology. No, I got nothing.

When everyone else found out about my mom, because bad news travels fast, people were approaching me all day asking how I was doing, did I need anything, telling me how sorry they were for me when all I wanted to do was tell them to fuck off! I didn't need their pity, nor did I want it, and eventually I got used to just turning it off.

It was easier pretending I was fine instead of just trying to be. I lied to everyone, and channelled my anger and my agony into this other person. This person that just _didn't fucking care_ about _anything._ All I really cared about was getting the fuck out of dodge.

When the service was over, people walked over to us shaking our hands and giving us hugs of consolation. My heart leaped in my chest and my jaw clenched tightly when I saw Damon, Giuseppe and Mariella walk over.

"I'm so sorry, John." Giuseppe said putting a hand on his shoulder. "God always takes the best of us." I wanted to puke. That was such a bullshit line. Why would God take the best people away from Earth? To leave all the horrible people behind to destroy it? I had to hide my scoff with a sob.

This seemed to catch their attention and Mariella turned to me. "Elena…you're so brave. That was a beautiful eulogy." She sniffed, wiping her eyes.

My eyes glanced at Damon for a brief moment but he was looking down at his shoes like a coward. "Thank you, Mrs. Salvatore." I hated him. I still loved him…but I hated him more than I ever thought I could hate anything. "Excuse me." I walked away towards a more secluded part of the cemetery, the old part where graves from the 1800's rested.

I looked back toward the service and caught my dad talking to Damon. I frowned. I've never seen them talk before, even though my dad and his were on the City Council together. I almost wanted to run back and find out what they were saying, but it didn't really seem to matter that much. Nothing did.

Present Day:

I pulled into the Lake House and immediately my eyes swelled with tears. It was my mother's favorite place to be. It looked just as it used to; I expected it to be worn down, unkempt and lifeless. But the gardens in the front were flourishing with beautiful flowers and shrubs, the outside was clean and refreshed…and the deck looked bigger.

I thought my dad would have wanted nothing to do with the place now that mom was gone…but it looked like he spent a lot of time here. I wiped the tears off my cheeks and unloaded the car, dragging all my stuff up the porch. I found the hidden key where I always hid it for those late night sneak outs to party with the campers. It was taped to the gutter; I had to climb onto the railing and reach up to get it.

"Elena?" I almost fell. I used the side of the house to support myself and looked at the voice that distracted me. Damon looked at me with a slight smile and confusion in his eyes. "What are you _doing_?" he drawled.

I dropped down and glared at him. "What are you doing _here_? Why do you just keep popping up everywhere?" I yelled at him. It wasn't fair…that the world taunted me like this.

He blinked in surprise at my sudden outburst. "I'm fixing the place up…you're dad hired me to do it." He pulled off his gloves and wiped his forehead. That's when I noticed his attire. He was wearing a white beater, dark dirty jeans and steel toed boots. "He wants to rent it out during the summer months."

I stared at him bewildered. It was too much information. Why was my dad hiring Damon to do this? Why not some other dude that didn't sleep with his daughter? "Why you?" I was proud of myself when it came out as harsh as I intended.

"Because I made a promise, and I fully intend of keeping it." He walked around me and opened the door nodding for me to go ahead. "Come on in."

I glared at him as walked over the threshold pulling my stuff with me. "I don't need you to invite me in, this is _my_ lake house, remember?" I left everything at the bottom of the stairs and started to look around, letting memories flow over me. I tried to forget that Damon was even there, but he was following me.

"Actually, its John's lake house. Ownership usually means the person has some sort of obligation to which you _apparently_ have none." He was being snarky. Even though I wasn't looking at him I could see the smirk planted on his face. "You disappeared after graduation…and you left him to deal with everything." He said more seriously.

I laughed and spin around to face him. "Can you blame me? Why would I want to stick around after that? I was outcast, _humiliated_, and then my mother died, so yeah, I_ fucking disappeared_, because there was nothing _here_ for me anymore." I tried not to let my emotions get caught in my throat. It was too much to be in his presence; talking to him like we were estranged friends, having him judge me for the choices I made because of something _he _did.

"That's not true…" he trailed off.

I shook my head at his naivety. "Yes it is…" I bit the inside of my lip. "My dad was a different person after mom died; he couldn't look at me without seeing her, he didn't even put up a fight when I left and _Jeremy_…I tried so hard to be strong for him but it wasn't enough, and in the end he still hated me for it. For not breaking down, for not completely falling apart like I should have." I sighed deeply. "I needed to move on and the only way I could was to leave."

"Well then why are you back?" It was a good question. One I had a legitimate answer for when I first made the decision, but as I thought it over in that moment, I could have stayed at a hotel, or called one of the many guys that would gladly let me move in, or find another place to rent. But I decided to come home…to my mother's favorite home of all places.

"Because my roommate kicked me out. She's not happy with me right now." I settled for. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of the truth, which was that I kind of missed Mystic Falls. "What were you doing in Georgia anyway?" I gave him a wary look. I was too dumbfounded and too emotionally confused to ask that question before and the others that followed.

He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest, showing off his muscles. "I'm going to Georgia U…I come home on holidays."

I narrowed my gaze at him. "What were you doing at the club that night?"

He laughed. "I was meeting up with some friends, but then I was otherwise occupied making sure nobody hurt you." He stated with mockery.

I chuckled. "Funny, coming from you." I mumbled.

It was his turn to frown, his lip curling in confusion. "What does _that_ mean?"

My laugh held no humor. "Come on…like you were completely oblivious? Well maybe you were; it's not like you ever noticed me in high school…except for that night." I said the last part quietly to myself as I looked at the floor.

He pushed off the wall and stood in front of me. "You thought I didn't _notice _you in high school? I knew who you were, Elena. Stefan wouldn't shut up about you."

My jaw went slack, and I stared at him stunned. "What?"

Damon smiled. "Stefan was crazy about you. It was always 'Elena this, Elena that. Her smile, her laugh, her _eyes_'..." he trailed off rolling his up in mockery of his brother. "It was kind of hard _not_ to know you." He shrugged.

Now I was mad. "So why didn't you ever talk to me, or look at me? And if you knew that Stefan liked me, why would you sleep with me anyway? And _why _did you never talk to me after that night, even at my mom's funeral…why did you leave before I even woke up?" I fired off the questions fast and frustrated as I paced the floor, throwing my hands around for emphasis. Everything was muddled and confused and I needed answers…now.

But of course I wouldn't get them now because his phone chose this exact moment to ring. Damon frowned, fishing it out of his back pocket. He looked at the caller ID then looked at me. "Sorry…" he mumbled as he walked a few feet away. "Hey." He turned his back to me and I huffed in annoyance as I crossed my arms. "How's Mexico?" after a few moments he chuckled deeply. "Not too many, Bex, we all know how you get after a couple shots of tequila." My heart dropped to my feet. No way…no way were they still together! She cheated on him! He was _way_ too mature for her! He could do way better but he was still with _her_! "Okay, love you too." He hung up and I closed my eyes reining in whatever emotions were flying around my head. "Sorry…drunk dial." He half smirked showing his phone.

I opened my eyes and they were cold. "You're still with Rebekah I see." My voice held no emotion.

Damon shrugged one shoulder. "On and off."

I forced a fake smile. "Well, I'm going upstairs." I didn't even want to finish our argument anymore, I was that emotionally drained. "I'm taking a nap…I'm sure you'll be gone before I wake up." I said contemptuously. I grabbed my bags and started up the stairs.

Damon grabbed my arm before I got too far and looked at me with dejected eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry for that?"

I pulled my arm away. "Until it matters." I stomped up the steps.

"I'm sorry, Elena!" he called up. "I was still with Rebekah; I felt bad for cheating on her so I left!" he tried to justify.

I dropped my bags at the top and came back down the first flight and stopped on the landing. "She cheated on _you_ first! More than once I'm sure." When his head dropped I knew I was right. "And you just took her back." I shook my head.

"I loved her." He mumbled.

I shrugged, pretending that hearing that didn't make my heart clench. "Well…you should have thought of that before getting drunk and knocking on my door." I went back upstairs and grabbed my stuff moving it all to my old room. Everything was as it was. Nothing was different, nothing was even moved. The only new thing in that room was dust.

I left everything in the middle of the floor and pulled the top blanket off my bed. I crawled in between the sheet and the mattress cover and closed my eyes, forgetting about the man that was downstairs.

A/N: reviews encourage me to post faster….and I'll also give you a cookie! ;)


	7. Everywhere I Look You're All I See

A/N: Okay so here is Chapter 7. Basically this chapter is about Elena's falling out with her friends, and more on Damon's side of the story. Loose ends in previous flashbacks will be tied up and of course a little twist! ;)

Enjoy!

Chapter 7: Everywhere I Look You're All I See

8 months ago:

I had a month and a half before I left for the University of Richmond. While all my friends partied, and drank and _celebrated_…I sat at home with my dad and Jeremy, bypassing each other like strangers, avoiding any kind of communication.

All that time gave me the opportunity to plan, and planning was a good distraction. I applied for university before my mom got really sick, but the plan was stay here with my friends…which didn't matter anymore.

I was sitting on my bed going over curriculums and course schedules when my phone rang. It was Caroline…again. She called me four times that day just to check up on me getting the same answer every time. I let it ring for a few more seconds before groaning and swiping my finger across the screen. "Hi Caroline." I greeted flatly.

"Hi!" she chirped back. "How's it going?" She was trying to sound nonchalant about it, but I wasn't fooled.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine…just like the last four times you asked me that." I retorted. "What is it Caroline, it's 10:00." I rushed her.

I heard her scoff and then take a breath before talking in her usual excited tone. "Well, Tyler is leaving for Florida next week to start training, and he won't be here for my birthday, so I was thinking of maybe doing something tomorrow; something big, a birthday to remember." She sighed happily.

"That sounds nice." I really couldn't care less to be honest. Why would I want to care about her life dilemmas when I had my own?

"So you'll come then?" she asked back with hope.

Every time she asked me to come out, I would always say no. I just didn't care enough, or I didn't want to see Damon with Rebekah, or her cheating on him again. I had found out that the day he stormed out of her house, it was because he found out she slept with Brady, one of his best friends. And apparently that the night I saw him at the hospital was the night he caught them _again_. Damon wasn't as forgiving that time.

I thought it over. I really didn't want to go, but she was my friend and it was her birthday party. It would be the right thing to go tomorrow. But what did doing the right thing ever get me? I was allowed it be selfish in times like this.

"Oh come on, Elena!" I guess she took my long silence as an answer. "You're disappearing." Her voice shook a little.

"Yeah…I'm not 'Fun Elena' anymore."

"That's not what I meant."

"Admit it Caroline, you're upset because I've changed. Because I've _grown up_ and realized that none of it matters. Why waste time with stupid parties and boyfriend's you'll break up with five times before the year is over, and all of the _drama_! Forget it! I'm done…so no Caroline, I'm not coming." I snapped back at her snidely.

"What is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?" she squealed. Her voice was tight and raspy so I could tell she was crying.

"My mother is dead Caroline! I'm _allowed_ to be a bitch, okay. I am so sick of hearing your peppy fucking voice rattling in my ear about shit that I couldn't care _less_ about! I don't care about your relationship with Tyler, or the Grounds parties or the latest town gossip." I ranted quickly, releasing my anger and frustration out on my best friend. "I just want to be left alone." I finished slowly and firmly before hanging up. My phone rang a few more times after that but I didn't answer any of her calls or texts.

I got one from Bonnie shortly after asking what happened between me and Caroline. It was just like her to stick her nose in where it didn't belong. It was like the more upset and disconnected I was, the more I despised the ones I was supposed to love. I kept seeing little things that never bothered me before that I now resented.

Like when Jeremy would flick his hair out of his face, or Caroline's super peppy attitude and bluntness, or Bonnie's overtly strong judgment or opinion…or when my dad would talk to himself out loud. I used to love that when I was a kid. I would listen at the breakfast table while he packed his briefcase; going over his list of things to do that day, the first one always being 'kiss my wife' to which he promptly followed through with, a big smile on her face as he did.

I thought about Caroline's party the next day and how if my mother was healthy, I'd be going. If my mom was healthy, I probably would have been in a better frame of mind when Damon came over that night and done things differently. If my mom was healthy I would still be going to Mystic Falls University with my friends…but fate had a way of twisting things around.

Present Day:

I woke up after a couple hours in my bed at the lake house and stretched languorously. I looked at the clock on the night stand which read 6:48 pm. I got up and trudged downstairs on a mission for food.

What I saw made me stop at the doorway of the kitchen. Damon was moving around the stove, cooking what smelt like a delicious pasta dish. When he heard me come in, Damon turned around with a small smile. "You're up…good, dinner's almost ready." He gave the sauce a taste before turning off all the burners and pulling out two plates.

I raised a brow. "You made dinner?" I questioned surprised. I couldn't help but notice the irony. At one point I was excited when I thought he was making me breakfast, and now I was frustrated that he was still here and cooking dinner.

"Yeah…we gotta eat right?" he served the pasta and placed it on the table with slice baguettes. "Sit…_mange_." He said in Italian, gesturing to the chair.

I sat down cautiously, not really sure what to make of this turn of events. "I thought you'd be gone by now." I told him in a grumble.

He smirked over his shoulder. "You can't get rid of me that easily." He put the pot and pan in the sink before grabbing his own plate and sitting down across from me. "I figured we could use this time to clear the air."

I rolled my eyes; he was being very persistent about the whole 'talking' thing and it was starting to get annoying. I really didn't _want _to talk about it because it meant letting myself remember how much my love for him hurt me in the first place. I picked up my fork as I looked at the amazing pile of pasta in front of me. "I thought we did that." I mumbled tucking my hair behind my ear in a nervous habit.

I could feel his eyes on me. "Not really…we were interrupted." He said around a big forkful of pasta.

I cracked a bitter smile, not meeting his stare. "Right…_Rebekah_." The way I said her name rolled off my tongue like a foul stench.

Damon smirked. "Is that jealousy?" he teased tilting his head to catch my gaze.

I glared hard, burning holes into him. "Are you kidding me? Whatever feelings I had for you are long dead now." I rambled before I put a forkful in my mouth. It might as well have been my foot.

His eyes widened in surprise. "What feelings?" he blinked. "You liked me?"

I swallowed and put my hands palm down on the table. "You know, I'm just gonna leave. I don't know why I ever came back here." I pushed my chair out and stood up. "This was a bad idea."

Damon stood quickly stopping me at the doorway of the kitchen. "Wait…just answer the question, Elena." The way he was looking at me was like he was trying to read the answer off my face.

I let my eyes wander everywhere but on him. "Why? What do you get out of knowing the answer to that? It wouldn't have meant anything then and it means even less now so," I tried to step around him but Damon blocked my way. "Seriously, are you five?"

Damon gaped at me in a sort of awe. "You did, didn't you?" When I saw the corners of his lips turn up a little, I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes into slits.

"What, do you get some kind of sick satisfaction out of that? An ego boost; does it make you feel better about yourself?" I bit out, trying to calm my rapidly beating heart. This was _not_ how I wanted this conversation to go. All my teenage insecurities were creeping out and I reacted by going on the defensive.

He chuckled. "A little." I started to walk away when he stopped me again. "No, listen…All this time I felt horrible because I thought that I took advantage of you. I was drunk-"

"I know-"

"And I didn't really give you any time to react-"

"I reacted the way any teenage girl would-

"You were a virgin." Damon whispered.

I ducked my head, letting my hair curtain my face. There were a few tense moments of silence before I found my voice again. "I remember." I stated sarcastically.

I looked back up at him when I felt his hand on my shoulder. "I took it for granted, and you didn't deserve that."

I could feel the telltale signs of tears forming behind my eyes. I dropped my gaze to the floor to collect myself and when I brought them up to meet Damon's they were the numb, dull brown eyes that hide behind four walls. "Whatever Damon. Are we done?"

He nodded sadly. I couldn't understand why this was bothering him so much. Damon never showed any interested before in apologizing or justifying his actions…why now? "Yeah…I guess so." I walked past him and headed for the stairs, gathering all my belongings before pulling them back down the stairs. "Where are you going?"

"Why do you care?" My mask was firmly planted and my voice didn't betray me.

"Your dad would like to see you." He said ignoring my retort.

I scoffed. "What are you two pals, now. I'm _not_ going back there."

"Maybe you should stop thinking so much about yourself and think about what you're doing to your family." Damon fired back angrily. "You know, it was tragic what happened to your mom…she was a good person, she didn't deserve that and neither did you, but it doesn't mean that you have to let it control you! You were a good person too Elena. You were selfless, and kind and _warm_. You didn't change because Isobel died…you did this to yourself, because it was easier than _feeling_. You _chose_ this. So stop acting like the victim and take responsibility." He finished strongly.

As he spoke I stayed emotionless and completely detached. I walked right up to him, stopping and inch away from his face. I leaned up to whisper in his ear. "_Fuck you_, Damon."

I slammed the front door behind me and packed up my car quickly. I pulled out as fast as I could and continued further into Mystic Falls. I needed a hotel, and the closest one was a couple exits down the highway and closer to home. It was just for tonight. Tomorrow morning I would be back on the road to Richmond.

8 months ago:

Days after my fight with Caroline I had a fight with Bonnie. It was a lot more vocal.

"This isn't you, Elena! What is _happening_ to you?"

"Are you serious right now?" I screamed back throwing my arms to the side. "Have you not seen the dramatic turn my life has taken? Nothing is the _same_, Bonnie! Nothing will ever be the same again. My mother is dead, my family has fallen to pieces, then t-there's everything with Damon-"

"Really?" she cut me off with a stony glare. "You're still obsessing over him? It's never going to happen, Elena!" she said, clearly shocked that I would bring him up.

I was full on crying now. "It _did_, Bonnie! It happened, okay?" I screamed my voice hitched painfully. "We slept together…but now he's back with _her_." I took a few shaky breaths. "He left before I woke up and he hasn't spoken to me since so…" I glared at her bitterly. "I guess you were right Bonnie. 'I mean absolutely nothing to him, and I never will.'" I threw back words she once told me and I could see that she was visibly wounded.

Her eyes watered and she stepped closer. "Elena…"

I walked around her to the door of my bedroom, pulling it open. "Dad and Jeremy are going to be home soon. You should go." My voice was low and empty…it was how I felt every day.

She didn't say anything else, Bonnie just walked out of my room and my house holding back tears and sniffling. I threw myself on the bed and spotted my journal sitting on my night stand. I hadn't touched it since the day before my mom died. There was nothing that I wanted to write in there, nothing I wanted logged forever…nothing I wanted to remember.

Everything just seemed to be getting worse. I will write in it. When things get better again I will write in it, I told myself. But for now I wanted to black it out. The Dark Pages.

The wind blew in my room and I hauled myself up to close the window. Damon was walking from his car to Rebekah's. I noticed him glance casually at my house; the living room and then at my window. If he saw me, he gave no indication: no eye contact, not a smile, or even shifty awkwardness. He just kept walking and knocked on the door.

I sighed. I didn't know what I expected. Every time I saw him I hoped that maybe this would be the time he would explain what happened that night, why he knocked on _my_ door, and why I woke up alone. But I realized that I would never get those answers and I felt a seed of hatred get planted in the bottom of my heart.

Present Day:

When I woke up the next morning I stretched as a beam of sunlight streamed through the window. I pulled the blanket back and ambled over to look at the view. The Inn I was staying at was slightly elevated giving an amazing view of the town I grew up in. And I smiled. I could see The Falls, and the Grill and the woods where I spend a lot of Friday nights.

I wouldn't admit to myself that Damon got to me. I blamed it on nostalgia. I would take a quick look through town; see if anything changed…not long enough to visit anyone. Just a quick drive through.

I ruffled through my suitcase for what I was going to wear. I didn't want to be recognised by anyone so I had to pick carefully. Luckily I was never bold enough to pull off _anything_ I had now. It was hot today so I went with short dark grey shorts, a deep red halter top that had a plunging swoop neckline and hugged my curves and a pair of black pumps.

I put on a little eyeliner, red lipstick and curled my hair; something I started doing once I left this place. I grabbed my purse, put on my big dark sunglasses and walked out the door of my room.

As I drove down the main street, I looked at the familiar stores and shops along the way. I laughed when I saw the Grill and couldn't resist pulling into the parking lot. Once I parked, I took a moment to think about going in. Chances are no one I knew would be there. It was a total teenage hang out; everyone I knew had college dorms or bars to go to now. I would go in take a look around order a drink maybe and leave, that was it.

I got out and hit the lock button as I walked towards the entrance. I pulled open the door and felt like I was hit with the past. I could almost see Caroline and Bonnie sitting at our table in the second booth on the left. I expelled a deep breath and headed to the bar. I hoped on a stool and took a moment to look around. It wasn't filled with teenagers. It was a mix of teens, and college kids, some even older. It was weird and it made me feel awkward about being here.

I was about to get up and leave when the bartender stepped up to me. "What can I get you?"

"Rum and coke, please." I replied still looking around.

"Oh uh…we don't serve liquor before 1:00pm anymore, sorry." He apologized in a monotone voice.

My shoulder sagged. "What, really? Come on, just one drink?" I begged him, taking off my sun glasses.

He shrugged. "Sorry, those are the rules."

I shook my head. "Well it's a stupid rule." I stood up from the stool.

"It's okay Ben." A voice from behind me said. "Pour her a drink." He came up beside me and rested his arms on the bar, turning his head to catch my gaze which was fixed on the bar in front of me. "Hi, Elena."

I sighed, sitting back down. "Hi, Stefan." I looked up at him and forced a smile. This was awkward. After everything Damon told me yesterday I didn't know how to act. Did he still like me? Was he over it? Did he hate me now like everyone else?

"Wow, it's been a while…you look great." He smiled looking me up and down.

"Thank you." I ran my hand through my hair, letting it drape sinuously around my shoulders. When my drink was in front of me, I sucked half of it back, looking at him from under my lashes. "So do you." And he did. His jaw line was stronger, his body more chiseled, and his voice was deeper.

He glanced away shyly.

"Do you work here?" I asked him to avoid the silence.

He nodded. "I'm the manager now. The owner is a family friend, so he's helping me out. How long are you in town for?"

I took another small sip. "Just passing through."

He frowned. "Oh, you're not staying for summer break?"

I scoffed. "Uh, no thank you. I know where I'm not wanted."

Stefan smiled sadly. "People really miss you here, Elena. Your dad and-"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh God not _you_ too." I started to stand up as I finished the rest of my drink. I place a ten on the bar. "Thank you Stefan, it was nice catching up." I said sarcastically.

"Oh my God, Elena?" I turned around and saw Caroline gawking at me. Ugh…just what I didn't want to happen. "Stefan? What's going on?" she seemed worried, her eyes darting between mine and his.

He smiled reassuringly walking around me to stand in front of her. Stefan placed his hands on her shoulders. "Nothing, baby…Elena was just passing through." He kissed her forehead.

My eyebrows shot up. "You two are together?"

Caroline narrowed her eyes on me and crossed her arms. "Yeah, if you were still my friend you would have known that."

I rolled my eyes dramatically. "Oh please…we are _not_ going there." I pulled my shades down. "Have a nice life…good luck with," I gestured to them. "_this_." I spun around and headed for the doors.

"_Elena_!" I heard her screech behind me. "Seriously? You're just gonna walk away?" She planted her hands on her hips and shifted her weight.

I glanced back over my shoulder. "Ah, yeah." I didn't have to explain myself and I really didn't want to. I was right and Damon was wrong. Coming back was a bad idea. I had to stay strong. I wasn't going to let other people make me feel guilty for choices I made. They were _my_ choices and I was happy with them…or so I told myself.

I observed them standing together; his hands on her shoulders comfortingly and the way she subtly leaned into him. It was bizarre. Here I was, back home, and although everything looked the same, things were totally different. Caroline was with _Stefan_; the guy she used to think was weird and creepy.

I threw open the double doors dramatically and strolled back to my car. I may not have made a big entrance but I was definitely making a big exit. As I unlocked the car and tossed my purse in the back seat, I heard my name again.

"Elena?"

Fuck. I wasn't going to go anywhere in his town without getting spotted, no matter what I was wearing. I turned around and saw Bonnie staring at me shocked.

"Hey." I said shortly.

She scoffed. "That's it? That's all you're going to say?"

I rolled my eyes. _Everyone_ was expecting _something_ from me today. "What do you want me to say?"

She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. "How about an apology or an explanation? You just _left_, Elena."

I smiled at the irony. These were the questions to the answers that I wanted to know myself. But I wasn't getting answers…so why should she? "I don't owe you anything, Bonnie." I drawled out her name condescendingly. "I'm moving on…got the hell out of this shit hole town." I gestured around. "Looks like I'm the only one who did so lucky me." I hopped in my car and started the ignition. I left her standing there and hit the road to Richmond.

Thank you everyone for the amazing reviews, they mean so much. I love hearing your comments and questions, even if you wanna tell me what your ideas/thoughts of what's going to happen, hit the blue button and leave a review!


	8. Though It All Looks Different Now

A/N: Wow sorry for the late update everyone, I've had a lot going on recently but I'm back and I've got a nice long chapter for you! 10 pages long in Word, Damn! I hope you all like where I'm going with this…I'm quite excited about the next chapter…from here on out we're going to be seeing Damon in every chapter!

ENJOY and please leave a review! I love them, and they make me post faster!

Chapter 8: Though It All Looks Different Now

Present Day:

I slammed on the breaks. Thank God there was no one behind me because that could have been a serious accident. I took a deep breath as I stared at the sign to the right of the road.

_You are now leaving Mystic Falls. _

That _was_ my intention, but for some reason I couldn't take my foot off the break and hit the gas.

"_Maybe you should stop thinking so much about yourself and think about what you're doing to your family."_

"…_you did this to yourself, because it was easier than feeling. You chose this. So stop acting like the victim and take responsibility."_

Damon's words rang in my head like a siren. I didn't feel I was acting like the victim. In my eyes I _was _the victim!I didn't ask for it, I didn't make it happen, I didn't _want_ this! All of this happened _to_ me. It wasn't my fault so why should I take responsibility for it?

Everyone blamed me; Caroline, Bonnie, Jeremy…they blamed me for leaving, but I left because I had to; because if I didn't I'd lose myself. I frowned, thinking about my life in Richmond. All the men, all the alcohol induced nights, all the lying…I had lost myself anyway. I pretended that life was good and I was having my fun and that I was happy…but I wasn't. I was miserable and the way I made up for it was by _faking it._ And at the end of the day, when all was said and done…I hated myself; because I knew…I knew that this wasn't _who _I was, and I felt guilty. So instead of adjusting my actions, like choosing not to sleep with some random guy that I didn't know the name of, or respecting my friend's wishes, or being honest…I _became_ the person that would do those awful things in order _not _to feel the guilt, because if that was who I was then there was no reason to feel so bad about it.

I snapped out of my thoughts and put my foot on the gas, cranking the wheel to the left to make a U-turn. I passed the sign that said:

_Welcome to Mystic Falls _

_Home of the Founders_

…...

6 months ago:

I woke up to two different sounds blaring on either side of my bed. I ducked under the covers and moaned in annoyance at being disrupted from sleep. It was my first 'College Party' experience the night/morning before and I was realizing that this kind of a hangover felt like you were dying. I flung my arm across my nightstand and slapped the alarm until it turned off.

I sighed in relief but my phone was still ringing. I groaned and rolled, ungracefully I might add, to the other side of the bed. I fumbled over things, my earrings, school books, and empty beer bottles before finally grabbing my blaring phone. It stopped. I sighed and only seconds later it was ringing again.

"Whaaat?" I groaned, drawing it out lowly. Hating whoever would call at a time like this. I was recovering!

"_Elena?_" He sounded surprised, like he didn't expect me to answer, or thought I was someone else.

"Yeah." I mumbled, pulling my hair out of my face and wiping my eyes.

"_What's wrong? You sound funny_." He questioned with concern.

I pulled the phone away to see it was my brother. Fuck. I had been doing so well at avoiding his calls. Everything he had to say, he'd said before…and broken records could get annoying. "Ugh…What's wrong Jeremy is that you woke me up, and I'm nursing the worst hangover of my entire life."

I could practically see him frowning, in that way that said he was disappointed. "_You're still sleeping? Elena, it's 2 O'clock in the afternoon, don't you have classes?_"

I turned my head to look at the alarm clock. "I did."

He sighed. "_Look, there are some things I wanna talk to you about, with dad and-_"

"Can it wait, now's not the best time for this." I closed my eyes to stop the spinning. Maybe I was still a little drunk.

"_There's never a good time with you anymore, Elena! You're always too busy, or you're not in the mood, and most of the time you don't even answer!_ _What happened to you?_"

Jeremy yelling in my ear and the spinning in my head was making me nauseous. I hung up on him and bolted out of bed to the bathroom to hug the toilet bowl for the next hour, only to eventually take up residence on the floor, my cheek to the cool tile by the tub.

It sucked.

That was the last time Jeremy ever called.

That sucked too.

…

Present Day:

I was incredibly nervous. I was standing in front of my house. The house I grew up in, the house that held so many memories, good and bad, and the house that I left behind for what felt like so long ago. What was I doing? This was totally a bad idea…I could feel it.

But I couldn't help the way my feet brought me up the porch steps. Who was going to be inside: Jeremy, my dad? What if they sold the house and some random was sleeping in my room? When I got to the door, I rapped quickly and loudly, so if I wasn't heard, I wouldn't have to try again…because the truth is I probably would have just left. I linked my hands in front of me fiddling with the rings on my fingers.

I could hear someone coming down the stairs and stopping on the other side of the cherry wood barrier. I assumed they were looking through the peephole because whoever it was took their time turning the knob. My heart pounded in my chest fiercely as I waited for the person to be revealed.

My dad.

He looked more sullen and broken than the last time I saw him. He had dark circles under his eyes and had lost a few pounds. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes like it usually did. "Finally." He sighed, taking a good long look at me. I could tell he was teasing me, but there was an underline of relief there.

"Hi dad." The words got caught in my throat.

"Elena…I've missed you, Sugarbean." My eyes started to water at the old nickname. "Come in." He stepped to the side, ushering my back into my own house. I took a deep breath and stepped over the threshold, looking around reminiscently as he closed the door and locked up. "How you doing, sweetheart?" he said gently. There was no accusation in his tone, no anger, no resentment for me leaving…he just sounded curious, like I just got back from a long road trip. I bit my trembling lip. All the things that I was expecting, everything that was keeping me from coming home weren't even relevant. He wasn't mad…he just _missed_ me. I rushed into his arms, taking him by surprise, as I hugged him close to me, crying into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Daddy." I sobbed painfully. "I didn't mean to be gone so long…I just got so lost." He probably had no idea what I was saying through my muddled cries, but I rambled anyway.

"Oh, it's okay Sweetheart." He rubbed my back soothingly, kissing the top of my head. "It's okay…you're home now." Those three words alone made me sob harder. _I'm home now_. They were so comforting, so familiar…it was what I _needed_.

…...

1 hour later:

It was 7:16pm and I was exhausted: the long drive, the high school reunion, the emotional meltdown in the entrance way; I wasn't leaving. I went up to my old room to change, and everything was the way I left it. When I left for college, the most I brought with me was the essentials, which were sitting in my car now, of course, with other new things I picked up along the way. I moved towards my dresser and mirror, looking at all the pictures framing it; me and my mom, the whole family, and Caroline, Bonnie and me. They were the people I cared about the most…and I abandoned them.

I sighed deeply thinking about how I treated them like strangers earlier today; like they never meant anything to me. But what was I supposed to do about it now? It's not like I could just say I was sorry and kiss and make up. Not everyone is as forgiving as my father. I pulled open the second drawer which had my pajamas and fished out my comfy plaid shorts and a grey t-shirt.

Once I was changed and more relaxed, I headed back downstairs into the kitchen where my dad was pouring two cups of tea. He smiled. "Want some tea?" he gestured to the seat across from him.

I shuffled my way in and tucked one leg under myself as I sat down. "Thanks." My voice was still a little weak from overuse. It was silent for a moment. "Where's Jeremy?"

He poured some milk in his cup and stirred it with a spoon. "Anna's…he usually spends his weekends there."

My eyebrows rose. "He's still with her? Sounds serious."

My dad nodded with a smile. "Yes, she's a great girl…he's crazy about her. They plan on moving out together when they leave for university next year. They're both working really hard to save up." Pride written all over his face. "He's won a lot of contests with his graphic designs."

I felt a little dizzy at the thought. My little brother had a plan. He was working hard for the life he wanted…he was succeeding, and I was completely lost in the middle of nowhere without a map. "That's great." I was really happy for him, but it was also quite scary. So I deflected. "Hey, did you know Caroline is going out with Stefan Salvatore? Totally blew my mind." I pushed away any awkwardness I previously felt and moved on.

My dad smirked looking down at his cup; it was a look that said 'I know what you're doing but I'll let you get away with it this time'. "An unlikely couple, I know."

I fidgeted in silence for a few moments trying to figure out how I was going to word this without sounding totally obvious and transparent about it. "Speaking of Salvatore…I ran into Damon at the Lake house this morning." I took a tentative sip of my hot tea. "He works for you now?" I tried to stay nonchalant but my dad knew me better than anyone, he knew I was more than just curious. He wasn't naïve to my crush on Giuseppe's eldest.

"Jeremy isn't interested in landscaping and exterior design, he wants to focus on his art." He said with a shrug. "Damon is a dedicated young man with great potential…he's helped me contract a lot of jobs." He looked away for moment. "I haven't really been focused on work…"

I nodded letting him know he didn't have to explain. "Yeah the lake house looks great." I thought out loud to myself. "He did all that by himself?"

"Yup…he's one to keep his promise." He stated casually.

My eyebrows furrowed deeply. "What promise?"

He sighed. "Before your mother got sick," he choked on his words. "The Mayor told us that the lake house wasn't to code anymore. We either had to fix it up, or the city would tear it down. Then we were broke because of the medical bills, but Isobel loved that place. Giuseppe proposed to help pay for the cost of the renovations and Damon offered to do all the labour. He's been working for me ever since."

It was starting to piece together. "I saw you talking to them at the funeral."

"Richard thought telling me before the service that I had a week before they tore it down would be appropriate." He mumbled snidely. "Giuseppe overheard."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugged. "Your mother and I didn't want to worry you, and then afterwards I didn't want to do anything…I wasn't the best parent to the two of you." He struggled with the words, clenching his hands around the cup. "I'm so sorry for that Elena." He stared me dead in the eye, and his were shining.

I put my hand over his and felt him immediately relax. "It's okay…I wasn't the best daughter either. I left…I just gave up. I'm sorry too."

"I'm going to do better, Sweetheart." He squeezed my hand. "Stay; you don't have classes for a few months, it's really great to have you home." He said with hope in his tone. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too." I nodded. This was it…I had an opportunity to start fresh; clean slate, but first I had to right my wrongs and take ownership for the ruins I left behind…it was a long list.

…...

Jeremy:

I slept in the next morning, dreading the day ahead of me. No one likes admitting they're wrong and I was no different, but I had to. It was the right thing to do.

It was almost eleven thirty when I sauntered downstairs half asleep by memory. I yawned and scratched the back of my head as I entered the kitchen and headed for the coffee maker.

"That's always the first thing you go for." I heard from behind me. Jeremy was peeking up over the couch his was sitting in. "At least one thing about you hasn't changed."

I nodded. "I deserve that. But I'm going to be better. I don't want to hurt the people around me anymore." I stepped closer to him, my hands clenching the fabric of the top couch cushion. "I'm so sorry…" I whispered as emotion swam over me. "I was so selfish. I'm supposed to be your big sister; I should have _been_ there for you." A tear slid down my cheek. "But I'm here now…I'm not running anymore."

Jeremy put his large hand over my smaller one. "You better not. Cause I _will _hunt you down." He teased before engulfing me in a big hug. I laughed into his shoulder, so happy that I was forgiven; I had made myself believe that they were so disappointed in me, that I forgot that family was always meant to forgive.

…...

Caroline:

I didn't really have a solid idea as to where to find Caroline, but I figured going to her mom's was as good a place as any to start. If she wasn't there, I'm sure after an awkward reunion with her mother, Liz could let me know where Caroline was.

I got out of my car and sighed as I took in the house I spent a lot of my teenage days. I lifted the bottom of my Caribbean blue Maxi dress as I moved up the walkway. I decided that the heels were going to stay in the closet and I opted for black flip flops, my hair was straight for the first time since I graduated and I had the hair on one side of my face clipped back. I felt a little bit like the girl I used to be; leaving the mask on the vanity, and just being casual, jean wearing, converse donning, plain long sleeve t-shirt in every color imaginable Elena.

I smiled at the thought of what Caroline would call my _'extensive wardrobe', s_arcastically of course. I remember one day, she had snuck a few of her more fashionable clothes into my closet just hoping that I would change it up a little bit.

Once I got to the door, I knocked three times and waited, but I wasn't really prepared to see Damon on the other side of the door. I'm glad I was wearing dark sunglasses because my eyes were wide with surprise. He looked like he was just leaving, which would explain why he opened the door so quickly after I knocked.

He spared me a quick awkward smile. "Hey, guess you decided to come back after all." He stated crossing his arms over his black beater covered chest. He was nicer than I expected him to be after the last words I left him with.

"Yeah…" I forced myself not to get distracted by his presence. Why was it that he still gave me butterflies, and made me act like a nervous teenager? "Um, what are you doing at Caroline's?" I asked slowly, trying to figure out what he was doing here. I had never seen them talk, let alone have each other over for tea and crumpets.

He shifted his weight slightly. "She's attached to my brother's hip…not sold separately." He quipped. "They're staying here while the Boarding House is being remodelled." He seemed to grumble, pulling his aviators down from his head and over his eyes.

I frowned curiously. "The Salvatore Boarding House? They live there now?"

He sighed, looking at a spot above my head with distracted interest. "Will be soon. My dad is _gifting_ it to Stefan." He uttered bitterly with a snide tone. And I could understand why. Ever since I was a kid I remembered the stories my father would tell me that The Boarding House was always inherited by the eldest son all the way back to 1864.

I pulled a face that was between a grimace and repugnance. I felt for him, and felt anger on his behalf…Damon was probably looking forward to the day that it was passed on to him his whole life, knowing that it was tradition, that it was _his_, and now it wasn't all of a sudden. "I'm sorry Damon…" I trailed over not really knowing what else to say.

He finally looked at me, surprised by my sincerity, but he quickly checked himself. "It's fine...Stefan deserves it. He's the one with his life on track; well on his way to the wife, two point five kids, and when the remodelling is done, a white picket fence." He rambled out with false cheer. "I kinda expected it." He mumbled quirking his lips to the side in a dejected smile.

"Who are you talking to out here?" Caroline's bubbly voice sounded as she rounded the corner, stopping behind Damon when she saw me. "Oh…were you not a big enough bitch yesterday?" she asked snarkily raising an eyebrow.

I tried to give her a smile but it was flat and awkward. I pulled my glasses off, and folded them in my hands. "That's actually why I'm here…because I was a huge bitch to someone when I was supposed to be her friend. Can we talk?" I asked hesitantly, ignoring Damon's intent stare. I could almost feel the holes he was burning into my face.

Caroline was silent for a moment before sighing. "Yeah…" she turned to Damon. "Oh and make sure you tell your crazy girlfriend not to blow up my phone at ungodly hours looking for you. I have little patience for deranged psychos." She spat haughtily.

A couple years ago, that kind of a statement would have had Damon in that person's face demanding to take it back before he broke someone's nose open. But he _chuckled_. Like he thought it was funny. I was shocked. "Yeah neither do I, why do you think I keep my distance from you?" they were teasing each other. It was so weird I shook my head to clear it. Things were clearly different now. Damon shook his head more to himself. "Bex has been acting strange lately…more annoying than usual." He ran a hand through his hair. "I'll take care of it."

Caroline put her hands on her hips. "Maybe you should just dump her crazy ass." She raised a brow in challenge. "Now get out of here before she comes hunting you down."

Damon raised his hands. "Okay…I'm gone. Bye Elena." He said softly with a smile and a nod.

"Bye." When he left and the door was closed I turned to Caroline with a smile on my face. She planted a seed, and dissed Rebekah all at once and I was grateful to her.

"I didn't do that for you." She cleared up immediately. "I hate Rebekah, and I'm sick of her raiding my closet. She needs to go." She stated seriously. I followed Caroline up the stairs to her room. "Stefan's watching the football game, which requires_ his full attention_." She said rolling her eyes in a way that told me that was a direct quote. She pushed open the door to her bedroom and it was just like I remembered, only Stefan's clothes seemed to be added with hers and as well as a bunch of other things.

"Did you take up cross dressing?" I joked kicking at the jeans balled up on the floor.

Caroline rolled her eyes, and threw her arms on the air before snatching Stefan's clothes off the ground. "Ugh! I swear no matter how many times I tell him not to leave his shit everywhere…" She trailed off putting them on her chair.

I chuckled. "If you're going to be living together, you should probably get used to it." It seemed so easy to fall back into this camaraderie.

Caroline just started at me for a long minute. "Why are you here, Elena?" she seemed curious but also nervous.

I pursed my lips. "I came to apologise. For everything; for yesterday and for how I treated you in the past. I was wrong…" I took a deep breath. It didn't get any easier admitting that. "I was suffering and the only way I knew how to deal with it was by taking it out on everyone else. I'm so sorry, Caroline." I said genuinely.

Her eyes softened. "I was trying to be there for you, Elena…I did everything I could to help, but you didn't even notice."

I nodded. "I know…I'm sorry if I made you feel unimportant. You _are _important…I was just so angry." I choked on the dryness in my throat. "Can you forgive me?" I pleaded.

It was silent for a few moments as she just started at me, and the next thing I knew Caroline had launched herself into my arms. "I have been waiting so long for this." She whispered into my shoulder. "Yes…I forgive you, just _don't_ ever do that to me again. You're my best friend Elena."

I shed a few tears as I hugged her close. "You're my _only_ friend right now." Caroline pulled out of the hug and smiled at me brightly. I knew she had some things to tell me and I was done making my problems everyone else's problems. This wasn't about me anymore. "So…tell me everything."

…...

Bonnie:

After spending all day talking with Caroline, and having her fill me in on _everything_ that was going on in Mystic Falls since I've been gone, lingering on the Damon topic more for my benefit, I left with a smile and a promise to see her soon. Now I needed a drink.

It was around seven and I knew that if I was even going to attempt to talk to Bonnie tonight, I needed a little liquid courage. Bonnie was going to be the toughest nut to crack. When I enter the Grill, I headed straight for the bar, but stopped when I saw Bonnie sitting at the table that the three of us claimed as our own, studying.

It was just like Bonnie to be hitting the books even when school was out. I walked over hesitantly, drink forgotten as I approached the booth. "Hi." I offered lamely.

Bonnie looked up with a cold glare before dropping her eyes back to the heavy book. "What do you want?"

I inhaled deeply. "Can I sit?"

Her jaw tightened. "I'd prefer if you didn't." her eyes were still focused in front of her.

I slipped into the booth. "Well I'm sitting anyway." This got her to finally hold my gaze. I had learned with Bonnie that you had to be as aggressive and stubborn as she was in order to get anywhere with her.

Bonnie put the book down and folded her hands in front of her. "What?" she snapped.

I nodded. "I know you're mad at me…I get it, you have every reason to be, but I want to make it right." I leaned forward. "I'm so sorry Bonnie."

Bonnie frowned. "I thought you didn't own me anything, Elena?"

I sighed. "I said a lot of things I didn't mean…I was miserable. Everyone had lives, things to look forward to, and mine was falling apart…I forced myself to be this person that just didn't care, so it was easier…and I know that it was wrong, and that I hurt you." I stared at her with emotion in my eyes…I needed her to know that I was being serious.

She lifted her head proudly. "Is that it?"

I knew that wouldn't be enough to convince her. "Yesterday I saw my dad…" my voice broke as tears blurred my vision. "I was horrible to him, more so than I was to you or Care, or Jeremy…I cut my own father out of my life. I was so afraid to come home and face him and everyone because I didn't think anyone would let me back in. But he forgave me Bonnie." I cried. "No questions, he just took me in his arms like nothing changed and _forgave_ me."

I could see the mistiness in my friend's eyes, but she kept her composure. "And you expect me to forgive just as easily." She worded it like a statement, but it sounded like a question.

I shook my head. "No…I don't expect you to do anything. That was the moment I made a decision for myself. I'm done hiding behind this bitchy persona in order to protect myself, because I get more out of being me than being _her_." I placed my hands over Bonnie's and squeezed, smiling when she didn't pull away. "I'm sorry. You deserved better than how I treated you…I want to be your friend Bon." I used my nickname for her. "I'll be staying at my dad's if you need to find me." With that I stood up and walked out of the Grill.

As I drove home, I smiled at the feeling of relief that came over me. Bonnie may not forgive me…but it felt good to finally get the monkey off my back. Of course, I still needed to talk to Lexi…my most recent failed friendship. But going back to Richmond was not an option right now, and since I was still a little afraid of her, I decided to send her a lengthy email instead.

Lexi was never one to sit and lay her feelings out on the able anyways. But tonight I would crawl into bed and sleep easy, knowing that I was moving on in the right way this time.


	9. Seems Like Such A Shame

**Chapter 9: Seems Like Such a Shame**

I woke up to the sound of laughter and the clattering of pans, indicating someone was in the kitchen and evidently cooking breakfast. It was weird to me, waking up in my old bed, hearing my brother and my dad laughing downstairs…besides the fact that I hadn't heard either of them laugh since well before mom died, I was always the early riser of the family.

I crawled out of bed and walked downstairs as I wiped the sleep from my eyes. I stopped dead in my tracks at the back that was facing me. It was unmistakably Damon. I would know it was him if I was blind, I think.

"Morning." Jeremy greeted looking over the fridge door as he grabbed orange juice and brought it back to the table that him and our dad was sitting at.

Damon quickly glanced over his shoulder with a smile, before resettling on me with a smile as he took in my choice of pajamas. "Morning _Elena_." He said my name in a way that turned my butterflies into elephants. "Cute pj's."

My face reddened slightly as I realized I was wearing my old cheer shorts and a red tank top…it was really hot! I heard my dad clear his throat awkwardly at Damon's comment and Jeremy laughing at dad's awkwardness. "Morning Dad." Can you say tension? But I made a quick recovery. "Thanks." I replied lowly as I sat down at the table. "So what's going on here?" I changed the subject quickly.

"Damon's making breakfast, because you slept in." Jeremy explained pointedly.

I watched as he moved around the kitchen with a towel slung over his right shoulder as he flipped omelettes on the stove. "What like you guys can't cook for yourselves?" I joked. "You had to call him down here to make you breakfast?"

Damon turned around with a half smirk. "Well…I was already coming here to talk business with John, figured I'd treat you all." He winked and turned back to the stove.

My dad chuckled as he took a sip of his coffee. "No need to be modest." he teased catching my eyes. "Damon will use any excuse to come here." He leans in closer to whisper. "Anything to get out of the Dragon's den."

I held back a laugh, knowing he must be talking about Rebekah.

"Maybe I just like the company." Damon said catching my attention. When I glanced up at him he was looking right at me. "It could also be to keep some part of my sanity, but we'll just go with the former." He turned off all the elements and started dishing out the food.

…

Damon:

After breakfast was done, Jeremy was out the door to meet with Anna, John took a business call in his office and I was clearing the table.

Damon came around and took the plates from my hands. "Let me do that."

I frowned as he walked back to the sink and opened the dishwasher. "But you made breakfast." I said it as if it was obvious. Whoever made the meal got out of cleaning up afterwards, at least that's the way I saw it.

He laughed. "So? It's no big deal. It was my treat." He smiled politely as he starting putting the dishes in the rack.

I stood on the other side of the dishwasher and looked at him curiously. "Why are you doing this?"

He shrugged. "Why not?"

I shifted uncomfortably. "No, why are you being so nice to me…I've been nothing but a bitch to you."

He stopped what he was doing and looked me dead in the eye. It made my heart jump. It was like he was staring right through me to my deepest inner thoughts, reading them as if of a page. It was terrifying. "But that's not _who_ you are." He said simply. I had no idea what to say in reply. My heart was racing, and my thoughts were jumbled and all I could seem to focus on was the different blues in his eyes. It was silent for a moment before he continued. "Besides…John and Jer are great; they're like family now." I wanted to scoff at the irony of that. He continued to busy himself with the dishes as he murmured lowly. "More than my own."

I watched him in quiet contemplation. He was here for them when I wasn't. He was the one holding up my father's business, he was probably the one to help Jeremy study for his exams; he was the support for them that _I _was supposed to be. And I was envious of him in that moment. "Thank you." I found myself saying.

He was stunned, glancing at me sharply a look in his eyes that asked why.

I took a deep breath looking at the floor. "You were there for them when I wasn't…you looked out for them, so thank you." I repeated glancing back up at him.

He smiled kindly, in a way that I had only seen him smile with one other person. "You're welcome." His phone rang, distracting him from our little moment. He fished it out and grimaced at the name, clearly having an inner debate with himself on whether or not he should answer it. "Sorry." He said regretfully. "I have to get this, or she'll just keep calling."

I nodded and started to busy myself with making another pot of coffee. I kept my back to him as he moved around to the other side of the couch in the living room.

"Hey, hun." His words sounded a little forced. She was talking so loud I could hear her voice through the phone. She wasn't loud enough for me to make out what she was saying though. "I know, I wanted to get started early today…I figured you'd want to rest after your flight." Caroline had filled me in on a few things yesterday; Rebekah just got back from Mexico with her sorority and the two of them were staying at his parents for summer break. Her parents apparently moved back to England and she decided to stay in school here to be closer to Damon. "I'm sorry Rebekah, okay, I just-I have work to do, I can't just get hammed every night and sleep until noon." He stated in a clipped voice. Damon sighed deeply, and I peeked a glance over my shoulder to see him sitting on the couch, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm at John's." he mumbled.

As Damon was saying this, my dad rushed into the kitchen with his portfolio and sample booklets. He placed everything on the table as he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. "I'm sorry sweetie, but I've got to head out for a bit to meet with a client; big project with lots of potential. Where's Damon?" he glanced around. I pointed towards the couch. "He okay?" he asked quietly.

"Rebekah." I mouthed. He was giving me the look like he didn't want to leave me alone. "Go, I'll be fine. This is a good opportunity." I said talking about him getting back to work. "You got this." I smiled giving him a kiss on the cheek.

He smiled back brilliantly and kissed my forehead. "Okay, thank you, sweetheart." He grabbed his belongings from the table and rushed out.

I happened to glance back and saw that he left his car keys. "Dad, your keys!" I yelled, trying to catch his attention before he got out the door. He came back in and I tossed them to him.

"Thank you." He stated again before leaving for real.

Damon's head snapped up, and looked behind the couch towards me. "Um, that's Elena." That got my attention. He was talking to her about me? Damon rolled his eyes. "Well, John is her dad, Rebekah." He said slowly and mockingly. I realized that he was using her full name and not the nickname he gave her back in high school. "Well she's back now, people change." He said looking right at me.

I smiled slightly. He was defending me.

"Look, I can't do this right now, we'll talk when I get home." With that Damon hung up the phone, and pocketed it. "I'm sorry…she's-she's kinda crazy sometimes." He laughed running a hand through his hair.

I hid a smirk. "Clearly." I poured us both a cup of coffee, fixing mine with milk and sugar. "Do you take anything?" I asked with my back to him.

"Two valium before bed." He joked sanding up and walking back into the kitchen. He chuckled when I glanced over my shoulder with a raised brow and an amused expression. "Black with two sugars." He reiterated finally coming up beside me, leaning back on the counter. "Do you get jealous?" he asked randomly but with honest curiosity.

I reeled back in surprise. "That was random."

"When you're with a guy…do you get jealous if he's around other women?" he prodded.

"Damon, for the last six months I haven't been with a guy long enough to even care." I joked, but now it didn't really seem that funny.

He frowned almost disapprovingly…no regretfully. "Well, what if you loved this guy?" he restated, taking the coffee I made him off the counter and taking a sip.

I glanced at him sharply. I wanted to snap and say 'I've never been in love so why would it matter?' as a snarky response, but I held back and took a moment. I would be lying if I did say it and what would be the purpose of that anyways? I glanced at his eyes before dropping them to the counter. "Um…yeah, sure I guess." I said quietly. Understatement. I was ridiculously jealous of Rebekah in high school! "But," I tucked my hair behind my ear nervously. "If I knew he loved me back, then I don't think I would."

He was silent for so long I had to look up to see if he was still listening. He had a look of shock, contemplation and frightening realization. "Huh." That was his only response.

I sighed, gripping my mug in my hands. "Why are you asking me this anyway?"

That seemed to snap him out of it. "Um, Rebekah…she loses it every time I'm within arm's reach of a woman that isn't her. She heard your voice." He admitted embarrassed.

"I'm sorry…I didn't cause problems, did I?" I honestly didn't want them together…I never did, but I did feel bad that Damon was the one that had to suffer Rebekah's wrath.

Damon looked straight ahead of him at the wall. "Trust me, there were problems _long_ before you came back." He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "It's like she doesn't trust me…like I give her reasons _not _to, when she's the one-" he started to rant before cutting himself off. He took a moment to collect himself. "Nothing has changed." He said slowly. "I feel like I'm the one growing up, being responsible, and taking ownership for my actions…and she's still the same spoilt girl she was in high school." Damon shook his head. "I don't know what to do anymore." He mumbled more to himself.

I stared at him in stunned awe as his spoke. Here was a man that I only _dreamed_ about having in depth conversations with, and now here he was in my kitchen sharing his problems with me. "Do you love her?" I found myself asking quietly, as I dropped my eyes back down to my coffee.

He gave a sad smile. "I thought I did." He still wasn't looking at me; it was like the wall across from him held all the answers to his questions. He snapped out of it. "I'm sorry, Elena…I didn't mean to lay all that on you, it's just-" he paused finally turning his head to look at me. "Sometimes I feel like I have no one to talk to, you know?" his eyes were asking me if I understood.

I nodded. "Yeah…" my voice was strained by how true that four-letter word was in this context. "Yeah, I know." I took a long sip of my coffee to ease the uncomfortable feeling of vulnerability. "What about Stefan? Or my dad?"

He shook his head quickly. "No, I wouldn't want to put it on them…they have their own families to worry about. I mean don't get me wrong, John's been there for me, but he needed me to be there for him."

I swallowed painfully and turned my head slightly at the unintentional insinuation.

"I didn't mean it like that." He backtracked regretfully.

I nodded. "But you're right. You were right at the lake house that day too." I caught his blue eyes with my brown ones. "I need to take responsibility." I took a deep breath. "So that's what I'm doing…righting my wrongs. Not like I have anything to go back to." I laughed bitterly, tears tempting to rim my eyes.

Damon turned his body to face me, putting both of his hands on my shoulders, squeezing them slightly. "You may not have anything to go back to…but you have a lot to leave behind. Don't forget that." He said sincerely. He held my gaze for a long moment and I just stood there returning it, trying my best to keep the tears that desperately wanted to roll down my cheeks at bay.

His phone started ringing again and he dropped his arms from me in annoyance as he rolled his head back. "Fuck, _seriously_!" he questioned to the heavens. He huffed and ignored the buzzing in his pocket.

I smiled slightly at his reaction. "Aren't you going to answer that? It could be Rebekah."

He smirked. "Exactly why I'm _not_ answering it." It stopped ringing only to ring again seconds later.

"Maybe you should just take it." I laughed when he groaned closing his eyes.

He fished it out of his pocket and looked at the screen raising his brows. "Oh…it's your dad." He swiped his thumb across the screen and put it to his ear. "Hey, John. Where'd you go?" He listened as he grabbed a pen and paper from the side table. "Yeah go ahead. Got it…I'll be there in a few." He hung up and tucked the piece of paper in his back pocket. "So, I've got to go meet him and a client to talk shop…it was nice talking with you." He smiled in a way that made his eyes sparkle. "I'll see you soon?"

I nodded with grin. "Yeah…thank you for breakfast."

"Anytime." He nodded once and headed for the door.

After Damon was gone I was alone, and that was the last thing I wanted to be right now. I pulled out my phone and scrolled down to Caroline's name and the new number she gave me last time we spoke. A brief conversation and ten minutes later, the blonde was at the front door.

Caroline held up a bag of nail polish and movies. "Girl's Night?"

My face brightened. It was exactly what I needed.

…

I laughed. "Wow…we barely ever heard him _talk_ in high school!"

Caroline grinned with excitement in her eyes as his she was reliving it. "Yup! It was the sweetest thing anyone has _ever _done for me. Mind you he was totally hammered and couldn't hold a note if his life depended on it, but he _sang _to me in front of everyone at the Grill and it's been our spot ever since." She sighed happily as she put the finishing touches on her toenails as we sat on the floor of my living room.

"I'm happy for you Care…you two seem really happy together." I capped the red polish and shook my hands to dry the paint.

"Thank you…we are." She looked at me through her lashes. "So…" she drawled. "How was your morning?" she asked in an innocent voice.

I rolled my eyes with an indulgent smile. "Fiiiine," I responded in the same drawl. "Why?"

She couldn't keep the shit eating grin off her face anymore. "Stefan told me that Damon was stopping by." She practically bounced.

I nodded. "Yeah he did." I was purposely vague and evasive knowing she was just _dying_ to know what happened.

"And?" her blue eyes were wide with interest.

"He made us breakfast." I busied myself with looking at my painted toenails as a blush crept up my cheeks.

Caroline squealed. "Really? That was so nice of him…apparently he was pretty eager. Stefan said he left early and in a _very_ good mood."

I chuckled. "Yeah, probably because Rebekah was still asleep." My smile dropped. Saying her name just reminded me that; like Damon had said, nothing had changed. Of course, he had meant it in a different way but it was still true. It wasn't okay to still have these feelings for him. He was still with her and apparently, regardless of Rebekah's short comings and faults, that wasn't going to change.

"What?" Caroline asked when she saw a change in my expression. "What's wrong?" she prodded worriedly. Nothing had changed it seemed. Caroline always wanted to fix people's problems, especially mine; probably because I had so many of them.

I shook my head with nervous laugh. "Nothing…" She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. "Okay, not nothing. I guess," I paused trying to find the words to use. "I guess I'm just upset that Damon's still with her." I glanced at her to see her reaction.

She made an obnoxious 'pfft' and rolled her eyes skyward. "You're not the only one! Mrs. Salvatore _hates_ Rebekah. Damon's only with her to please his dad." Her face turned into a blank stare; her jaw dropped, and then snapped shut. Clearly she hadn't meant to say that.

"What?" I questioned, shocked. Damon _did not_ look like he was pleasing his dad with the way he acted with her in high school. She kept her mouth shut and shook her head. "Caroline…you can't say that and expect me to forget about it. This is Damon we're talking about." I whispered.

She sighed. "He told me in confidence, and he was really drunk, like _really_ drunk…not even Stefan knows this." Her eyes begged me not to make her say it.

As much as I wanted to know, I wasn't going to make Caroline break that trust. Somehow, after I left she had become a part of his life; friends, and it would be selfish of me ruin it over something that wasn't even my business. "Okay…you don't have to tell me." I nodded.

She bit her lip in thought for a moment. "Do you still love him?"

My eyes darted to meet hers. "Is this a trick question?" I tried to joke, but I was half serious. Did my answer determine whether she would explain her verbal diarrhea?

She rolled her eyes. "No…I just want an honest answer." When Caroline spoke, she used a voice I hadn't heard before. I've heard her voice when she was bubbly, snappy, emotional, and neurotic but not like this; not like a mother, grown, experienced.

I swallowed nervously. "Yes." I whispered looking down. "No matter what I did…" I trailed off, unable to continue for fear of tears taking over.

Caroline scooted over, mindful of her freshly painted nails and leaned against the couch with me. "Real love doesn't go away no matter what you do. I'm sorry I acted like it wasn't real before. I guess…I guess I was just so worried that you'd get hurt that I talked it down in order to protect you, which now sounds so incredibly stupid." She giggled to herself and I joined her, wiping my tears with the back of my hand.

"It's not stupid. You were just trying to be a good friend." I sniffled. "I just wish that I didn't love him so much, you know? That I could just move on, and get over it."

Caroline shook her head. "No you don't. It may hurt to love someone and not know if they feel the same way, or if they ever will, but never knowing love at all…that's tragic." She explained, softly and heartfelt.

I smiled. "That was profound. Who are you and what have you done with Caroline?" I teased.

She grinned. "It's Stefan…he's so wise and insightful, it's rubbed off on me." She sighed deeply. "Listen…Damon doesn't feel the same about Rebekah anymore. He still cares about her, but he said he could pinpoint the moment it all changed for him."

My head shot up. My heart was racing in anticipation of what moment that could have been. It would be wishful thinking that it was the night we shared together, what felt like so long ago, but I still hoped. "Really?" I tried to act like it wasn't a big deal, but Caroline saw right through it. I wasn't sure if Bonnie had told her about my night with Damon; and I wasn't sure if I wanted her to know just yet. It wasn't public knowledge and I'm sure if Rebekah found out she would rip my head off.

She nodded. "It was a fight that he had with her last year. Apparently it was like the second time she cheated on him and he just gave up trying. He stayed with her because Giuseppe was so pleased that he found a 'stable' woman." Caroline rolled her eyes. "Clearly he meant financially, because that She Devil is anything but stable."

I frowned in contemplation. "So his dad is forcing him to stay with Rebekah? That's a little messed up."

"No, Giuseppe would never do that." She replied quickly and adamantly. "He doesn't even _know_ that that's the reason Damon is still with her." She took a deep breath as if preparing for a long explanation. "Stefan always had it easy with their dad. He always had the good grades, always stuck with a good crowd, never caused any trouble…but Damon, well he did everything opposite and now it's like he's trying to make it up to him by marrying her." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Ugh, people should _not _tell me secrets!" she said to herself.

My heart plummeted. "They're getting married?" my mouth felt like it was filled with cotton balls. My tongue felt swollen, my head felt light, and my heart felt incredibly heavy.

She nodded sadly. "Eventually. They haven't set the date yet, he hasn't even popped the question…Damon's been putting it off." He eyes brightened slightly. "But that's a good sign right?" I could tell she was trying to make me feel better, but the truth was, how could I feel better when the man I was in love with was getting married to the woman I've envied since high school?

I laughed bitterly. "No…a good sign would be if he decided _not_ to get married." I huffed and pulled my knees to my chest. "I don't think I've ever been so disappointed in my life." My voice was hoarse and strained painfully. "I just feel…hollow." The word hitched on a sob.

Caroline wrapped her arms around me, resting my head on her shoulder. "Sweetie…I'm so sorry. But if I'm being honest, I don't think it's going to happen." She stated with conviction.

I wanted her to be right, and it seemed like such a shame that in my heart I knew she wasn't.


	10. Recall The Taste of Your Tears

Chapter 10: Recall the Taste of Your Tears

I didn't want to get out of bed today. It was a week since Caroline broke the news about the impending wedding bells in Damon's future, and I was doing my best to avoid him for fear of blurting it out accidently and making a fool of myself.

He called a couple of times, both of which I didn't answer, and he even asked my dad if everything was okay. I felt bad, because it wasn't his fault that I was still in love with him after all this time, and that the thought alone of him marrying someone else let alone Rebekah, made me physically ill. He was just trying to be my friend.

I crawled out from under the covers and stared at the ceiling. I was being selfish again. I wanted more than anything to stay in bed well passed noon, eating ice cream, and watching bad romantic comedies…but today was the day that Giuseppe was gifting the Boarding House to Stefan and Caroline and that called for a party; a party that everyone was going to…including Damon and Rebekah no doubt.

But this was Caroline's day. So I was going to get up, get dressed and pull my ass through the day…for Caroline.

…

I took a deep breath as I walked up the driveway to the Boarding House. "I'm doing this for Caroline." I nodded as I pushed the doorbell. I was expecting Caroline to answer, or maybe even Stefan, but not Giuseppe.

He raised his brow in surprised amusement. "Elena…so nice to see you home." He ushered me into the entrance, and led me to the parlour room with a gentle hand on my lower back. "You look lovely." He smiled kindly.

"Thank you." I had settled on a white a-lined dress that fell above my knees with a sweetheart neck line that tied around my neck in a halter. The dress was scattered artistically with red Hawaiian flowers and I paired it with red peep toed heels to match.

"Come, some have already arrived." It always amused me how Giuseppe spoke like he was from a hundred years ago. He was always so formal…they all were except for Damon. Ever the black sheep.

"Elena!" Caroline squealed throwing her arms around me. "You made it!"

I hugged her back. "Of course."

She pulled back and lowered her voice. "You know Damon and Rebekah are here, don't you?"

I nodded. "Yes, but that doesn't matter…I'm here for you." I poked her shoulder playfully. "This is going to be fun. I'm not going to let her ruin this for me."

Caroline linked arms with me and pulled me into the kitchen to make us drinks. "Well she's doing a great job of ruining it for me." She nodded to the window that looked out to the backyard. Rebekah was finishing off a glass of wine at the deck table with two other couples. Damon grabbed her hand gently as she reached out for the bottle and placed it down on the table between them; he received a heated glare. "She has been spending the last half an hour getting completely sloshed and complaining to Damon and anyone else within ear shot about how this place should belong to them." She picked up the half empty bottle on the counter. "Such a bitch." She poured us each a glass, finishing it, and we watched the couple outside.

"Well it _is_ supposed to be Damon's." It was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

Caroline whipped her head around to glare at me. "What?"

I sighed. "Come on Care…you know the history. The Salvatore Boarding house is always passed down to the eldest son. Technically it _should_ be Damon's." I shrugged.

She cocked her hip and crossed her arms. "So you agree with her?" It sounded more like a statement than a question.

I raised my hands in surrender. "Look, what Giuseppe decides to do with it is up to him. Damon has a place in Georgia anyway…it's just," I watched him through the window. "I know how badly he must have wanted this house. He was probably looking forward to it his whole life."

Caroline uncrossed her arms and frowned in concern for a second before 'pfft'ing and rolling her eyes. "Please, Damon could care less about this house; he never mentioned anything to us about it before."

I shrugged again. "Maybe I'm wrong, but he seemed upset when it was brought up last week."

"Really?"

"Maybe I read it wrong."

"Should I talk to him?"

"I think he has enough to deal with right now, Care. God, she is so hammered." Rebekah stumbled to her feet, glared angrily at Damon and snatched her empty glass off the table. "Shit, she's coming here." I panicked, I was ready to bolt, but she was already walking through the door.

It slammed behind her and it took her a minute before settling on Caroline, not even acknowledging my presence. "More wine?" She held up her glass with a drunk smirk. She seemed to steady herself pretty well in her heels for being that drunk. They were definitely higher than mine, by at least an inch and a half; beige to contrast on her short white strapless dress. It was so tight it looked like she was vacuum sealed in it, hugging every perfect curve.

It was disgusting how hot she looked while still acting like a total fool.

"Nope!" Caroline chimed. "I think you took care of that." She held up the empty bottle.

Rebekah slowly stepped towards the island, putting the glass down and resting her hands on the counter for support. "Don't act so smug, Caroline." She slurred. "You don't even live here yet."

"God, seriously?" Caroline exclaimed. "Get over it!"

Damon came in for Rebekah and immediately settled on me. He smiled. "Elena."

I smiled back. I couldn't even help it; mostly because he just seemed so relieved…happy even. "Hi."

Rebekah's eyes snapped up to mine instantaneously, filled with something dark. "Elena…Elena Gilbert." she drawled slowly with malice. "I barely recognized you; it's very brave of you to be here."

I frowned. "I don't see how, I was invited." I responded with a cocky attitude.

She chuckled coming to stand beside me. "Do I look stupid?"

"Yup." Caroline answered quickly.

Damon shot a half-hearted glare in her direction. "Rebekah, come on…don't do this." He pleaded, his eyes darted to me.

"Do you think I didn't know?" Rebekah continued.

My heart started to race. "Know what?" I didn't let my mask drop.

"Hm…" she laughed to herself again. "You must _hate _me."

"Why would I hate you?"

"Because I have what you will _never_ have again." She smiled sweetly. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. She knew. I felt my face get hot and my breathing slowed. "You were just a big mistake."

"Rebekah." Damon barked. "Stop talking…you're fucking drunk." He stormed over and grabbed her arm.

"I may be drunk, Damon but my memory is still perfectly intact." She chuckled, resting her hand on his chest. "That _is_ what you said, wasn't it?"

My eyes drifted to Damon's, wounded by the sting of his betrayal and rejection. His wide guilty eyes and tense jaw was answer enough for me. It was a mistake…_I_ was a mistake.

"Elena…" he started.

"Don't say anything." I cut him off. "I've got to go." I mumbled to Caroline before heading for the front door.

"Wait!" Caroline's voice called out to me. "Elena!" she followed me down the driveway. "Elena, what the hell just happened…what was Rebekah talking about?" her tone suggested she knew but need to hear it from me.

I spun around and walked back part way to her, tears collecting in my eyes. "I slept with Damon." I admitted. "It happened before my mom died; he showed up at my house at four in the morning and left before I woke up. He was my first."

Her jaw dropped. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was so upset, I didn't want to talk about it. I thought that it was special…that there was something there, but there wasn't, it was just a mistake, I was just a mistake." I choked out wiping a fallen tear.

Caroline shook her head. "That's not true."

"Yes it is…I saw it on his face, Caroline. She won." I resigned sadly. "Rebekah won." I turned around and headed back to my car.

…

I sat up in my room mindlessly flipping through an old magazine when I heard a knock on the door. Jeremy and my dad were home so I knew that I didn't have to get up.

"_Oh, hi Damon." _I heard my dad say.

"_What are you doing here?"_ I told Jeremy what was going on earlier today when I came home in tears. For being my younger brother, he was always so protective of me.

"_I need to see Elena."_ His voice was low and rushed…desperate.

"_She's-"_

"_She's not here." _Jeremy cut my dad off.

"_Her car's outside, I know she's here."_

"_She went for a walk." _ Jeremy continued, boldly.

It was silent for a second. _"ELENA!"_ I heard Damon yell throughout the house.

"_What the hell is going on?"_ my dad asked both Damon and my brother.

"_Trust me dad, you don't want to know."_

I couldn't take this anymore. I hopped off the bed and made my way down the stairs. Damon and Jeremy were bickering back and forth. "Jer!" I called out. All three of them looked up at me; Jeremy with concealed anger, my dad with confusion and Damon with relief. "It's okay."

"Okay? After what he did?" Jeremy yelled in frustration.

"Jer!" I didn't want this coming out in front of dad. I didn't want it to ruin the relationship he had with Damon. "Damon…lets go upstairs." I turned around and started heading to my room, with Damon following me.

"Stop!" my dad called. "Tell me what the hell is going on. What did he do Elena?" He was worried, almost scared to know the answer.

I faked a smile. "Nothing. It's was nothing dad, don't worry okay." I heard Jeremy scoff loudly as we climbed the rest of the stairs and entered my room. I closed the door behind us and sat back on my bed, while Damon stood awkwardly at the door.

"I haven't been in here since…" He trailed off when I pinned him with an icy glare.

I crossed my arms. "Why are you here Damon, hm? Where's Rebekah?" My eyes dropped back down to the magazine flipping through it, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.

He sighed, and took a few steps closer to the bed. He didn't sit, unsure if he should or not. "At home…I'm so sorry, Elena."

"You seem to be saying that a lot lately."

He finally sat down pulling the magazine away and tossing it to the ground. "Because I _am._ Elena…I never meant to hurt you."

"Which time?" I couldn't help but be a little bitter.

Damon met my eyes sadly. "All of them. I told her it was a mistake after it happened, but I didn't mean it." He admitted quietly.

"What?"

"It shouldn't have happened…but I don't regret that it did. I never have." I wanted to believe the seemingly honest words that came out of his mouth, but I was having trouble allowing myself that bit of happiness.

I laughed. "Don't lie to make me feel better, please…it's insulting."

He took my hand. "I'm not lying. I'll never forget that night." His voice held some kind of hope, of what I wasn't sure, but I wasn't willing to give it to him.

"Funny, all I've been trying to do since it happened is forget about that night." I uttered coldly.

There was a slice of pain that shot over his face as he slipped his hand out of mine. "Fine." He resigned. He stood and walked slowly to the door in stunned silence. He paused before turning around. He swallowed hard. "Do you still have feelings for me Elena?" he asked so quietly I barely heard him.

My heart hammered so hard in my chest I thought that it would pop right from between my ribs. What kind of response was he expecting? An honest answer? A lie? Something to finally put an end to his guilt? Regardless there was only one answer I was physically and emotionally able to give him…because the alternative was heart ache. "No." I said strongly, doing my best to keep the pain out of my voice as I lied to him. "No, Damon I don't."

His jaw tensed as he nodded once, he quickly turned his head away from me and left my room. I thought I saw disappointment…but maybe I was wrong.


	11. Favorite Dreams of You

Chapter 11: Favorite Dreams of You

**A month later…**

_There he was. Waiting for me, his hand linked elegantly in front of him, standing at the end next to Stefan and his father with a giant smile on his face. It was the happiest I've ever seen him. _

_I looked to his right and saw Bonnie, Caroline with excited grins, Caroline nearly bouncing up and down in her excitement. I swallowed nervously as I started my walk down the aisle with my father's arm linked with mine._

"_I'm so happy for you two." He whispered in my ear._

"_Me too." I whisper back, with my eyes locked on Damon's blue ones._

_It felt like forever had past until I stood in front of him. My father kissed my cheek and hugged Damon good-naturedly. There were a few moments of silence as we just basked in each other's presence. _

_He released a deep breath. "Finally." Damon rested his head against mine and squeezed my hands in his. _

"_I know." _

"_You look stunning." He whispered. I was wearing a flowing white strapless mermaid dress adorned, but not cluttered with clusters of tiny rhinestones. The trim of the bodice and the hem was a classic European lace that added elegance to the simple design. To top it off was a thin row of rhinestones that created a belt around my waist. It was perfect. The dress I always dreamed of. _

"_Thank you."_

"_We are gathered here today to celebrate the unity between Damon Lorenzo Salvatore and Rebekah Mikaelson." _

_**What?**__ I felt like I was yanked out of my body, encased in my wedding dress and slammed into another body wearing something dull and black. I was seated now in the third row watching Damon stare at Rebekah with love as she worn my dress. _

_I panicked; my heart pounding, hearing nothing but the pulsing in my ears. __**What is happening? Why am I not up there with him? What the fuck is going on?**_

"_I do." I heard her drawl out. I snapped back and caught Rebekah cast a smug grin in my direction. _

_The priest continued, "Do you, Damon Lorenzo Salvatore, take Rebekah Mikaelson to be your lawfully wedded wife?"_

_He smiled happily. "I do."_

_My whole world stopped then. I felt a black hole swallow me seconds before…_

I woke up with a gasp, followed by a sigh of relief. _Just a dream. _ I told myself. _Just a dream that will be accurate come September. _Three months. Damon proposed to her two weeks after our talk in my room, and I had been beating myself up about it since.

_Why is he doing it? Was it because of what I said, or didn't say? Was he hoping I would say yes? _

Today was the engagement party at Mr. and Mrs. Salvatore's house and all the founding families were invited. It was a 'Big Event' according to Rebekah who handed me an invitation personally. _Bitch._ I didn't have to go, but not going would be letting her win again and I was not going to get run out of the house again.

The party was at two o'clock, so I had a few hours to get ready. I took my time, hoping that maybe something horribly tragic would happen in that time. Maybe I would fall in the bath tub and have to get rushed to the hospital, maybe a rear-ender that stalled my arrival, maybe Rebekah would die of syphilis. Well, that was a long shot, but it didn't stop me from envisioning it…with a smile.

I came down the stairs hours later, having showered, done my make-up and hair, and dressed in a yellow strapless pencil skirt dress that came just above my knees. It had a sweetheart neckline that hugged my breasts and accentuated my collarbones. I donned a thick red belt that emphasized my thin waist and curvy hips and my favorite pair of red peep toe heels to match.

I decided to do tie my straight hair up in a high ponytail, instead of wearing it down as usual. It was ridiculously hot today.

My dad glanced up at me from reading his newspaper. He was all decked out as well in a light grey suit and black tie with his suit jacket hanging over the back of his chair. "'Lena, you look lovely." He stood up and prepared me a cup of coffee.

I sat down at the table placing my clutch beside me. "Thanks, dad." He stirred the coffee and put that down in front of me along with a blueberry muffin. "Where's Jer?" I sip from my mug.

My dad chuckled good-naturedly. "Upstairs bitching and complaining about how hot it is for a suit." He pulled at his shirt for good measure.

Jeremy came down seconds later with a grump look on his face. "This is stupid!" he was sweating through is blue shirt already. "It's ridiculously hot out, and they want to have this formal event, _outside_, in the middle of summer!" he gestured wildly, pulling at his collar. "I'm not going." He said with hard resolve.

Both my dad and I laughed at how serious he looked. "Oh come on Jeremy…it's not that bad." I countered.

He undid the buttons and peeled his shirt off leaving him in his beater and slacks. "Easy for you to say…you get to wear a short little dress all day." He grumbled tossing his shirt on a chair and plopping down beside me.

I widened my eyes in mock innocence. "Oh…I'm sorry did you want to wear one? I have a dress that would look great on your skin tone." I teased.

"Ha ha." He looked me over with critical eyes. "Who are you trying to impress anyway? The only guy you like in town is getting married in three months." He grumbled. He was still upset about the way things went with Damon a month ago.

I glared at him hard. "Well that was rude." But he was right. Why was I getting all dolled up for a guy that didn't even notice? "And I'm not trying to impress him, okay? I just want to look good. I'm not getting in the middle of them…he's happy with her and that's fine." I lied to them and myself with a shrug.

My dad smiled sadly as if knowing my internal monologue and put his hand over mine. Over the last month I had let him in on my deep feelings for his business partner and friend, and although it was awkward for him, he was very supportive of me and my decision to keep my distance. "You don't have to come, you know." He stated gently.

I smiled. "I know, but I'm not going to let her have all the control. Rebekah delivered me the invitation _personally_. She only did it to see me squirm…to see if I would show up or not, and I'm not giving her the satisfaction of winning." I said strongly.

"That's my girl." My dad crooned with pride. "We should be leaving soon…Jeremy, go put on a shirt." He paused with a sly smirk. "Maybe something dark." He gestured to the pit stains of sweat on the underarms of his hung up shirt.

Jeremy stood up, yanking his soiled shirt off the chair and stomped to his room to change. "You two just think you're sooo funny."

…

It looked like the biggest event of the year. The Salvatore property was filled with people; guests mingling and dancing and caterers handing out champagne and hor'doeuvres. There was soft music playing and a band setting up for later in the day. All in all it looked like a wonderful set up. I looked around with a sad realization that it would look similar to this when they got married. My dad and Jeremy took off inside where there was air conditioning and I snatched a champagne flute off the tray of a passing waiter and chugged it down quickly.

"Elena!" I heard a fake enthusiastic voice call out. _Greeeaat._ Rebekah walked over, all smiles holding a flute as well. She was dressed in white; she had been in white since the day Damon proposed. It was sickening. "I'm so happy that you could make it. Are you enjoying yourself?" she sipped her champagne, staring at me with a sly gleam in her eyes over the glass.

I plastered a bright smile on my face. "I just got here…but the place looks great. Take it easy on those this time…it's your party, you want to make it to the end." I nodded at her drink.

Her smile dropped and her eyes turned cold. "What are you doing here, Elena?"

I frowned. "I was invited…by you actually." I retorted in a snarky tone.

She took a few steps closer to me. "He doesn't want you…he never did. So stop embarrassing yourself." She turned on her heel and walked off leaving me standing alone.

I grabbed another glass off another tray and chugged half of it. Glaring at her back and trying to see if I could set her aflame. Nope. I wandered around, not really feeling like socializing until I passed Mrs. Salvatore sitting at a table covered with a large umbrella with couple of her friends.

"Elena!" she greeted me joyful surprise. "I'm so glad you could make it! Come sit with us." She padded the seat next to her. Her greeting was similar to Rebekah's, but so much more genuine. "Elena, you remember Carol Lockwood and Angela Fell don't you?"

I smiled. "Yes, of course. It's nice to see you again." I sat down beside her and sipped my champagne. "Well, Mrs. Salvatore you must be very proud, one son moving out and the other getting married." I tried to sound happy, but it fell short.

She laughed. "Well first of all, I've known you far to long for you to still call me that." Mariella placed her hand on my knee kindly. "and second, I would be prouder if my son married a woman that wasn't fleshed from the Devil Himself." She spoke with an airy tone as if the topic was the weather.

My eyes widened in shock as the three women laughed. "Excuse me?" I squeaked.

Mariella cocked her head to the side in a way that told me Damon got it from his mother. "Darling, don't tell me you haven't noticed? Rebekah is clearly not the best choice for Damon. But," she held a hand in resignation. "he _claims_ he's happy and that he loves her…even though I don't believe a word of it. I've been told to 'butt out'." She chuckled, using air quotes, smiling at her friends. I could tell that it saddened her though despite her jokes and her laughter. It saddened me too.

The rest of the 'Big Event' dragged on slowly and painfully for me. Dinner, speeches, toasts to the happy couple…so many toasts! I was feeling miserable by the time the band started and all the couples started to dance. I had spent a lot of the day drinking and venting to Caroline and Bonnie about how crazy and stupid this all was; the huge party, all the people that didn't even like her, why she felt the need to rub this in my face like salt in my wounds.

"I-I mean…" I slurred sitting at a table outside watching Damon dance with her, and the shit eating smile on her face. "She's totally doing this on purpose. Look at her." I nodded as she grinned at me and snuggled closer to Damon. "She's using him to extract revenge on me." Using words with lots of vowels when I was drunk was not a good idea…everything came out muddled together.

Bonnie frowned in sympathy and embarrassment. "Maybe you should stop drinking." She pulled the wine bottle on the table towards her and away from me. I nearly polished it by myself.

Caroline nodded. "Yeah…you're getting sloppy." So blunt.

I shook my head ignoring both of them. "Why am I even here? Why am I doing this to myself? I'm gonna go." I tried to stand up but I teetered on my heels, before lowering myself into my chair. "Okay…" I drawled. "Let's try that again." I joked to myself sarcastically.

Bonnie stood up and took my arm. "Come on, I'll help you inside." I shrugged out of her hold.

"I can do it, Bonnie." I grumbled. "I'm not a child…I've been hammered conquering heels higher than this." I stood as gracefully as I could and managed to walk back to the house with only some mild weaving. I glanced back to see the 'happy couple' dancing, and caught Damon watching me walk away with a frown; like he was hoping I wasn't leaving. Why would it matter to him anyway? He hasn't said a word to me since I've been here!

I got into the house, immediately kicking off my heels and plopping myself on a stool in the kitchen. "I'll get you some water." Bonnie said as she moved to the fridge. I lay my upper body on the counter, resting my cheek against the cool granite.

"I'm such an idiot, Bonnie. "I grumbled into my arms.

I couldn't see her face, but I could almost hear her smiling. "Really? You sure that's not all the wine talking?" she teased.

I lifted my head and raised a brow at her. There was a glass of water in front of me and I drank it down greedily. "He asked me if I still had feelings for him…and I said 'no. I lied to him…I should have told him the truth; maybe he wouldn't be marrying her." I suddenly felt a dizzying feeling. _I did this to myself._ _Elena Gilbert, Queen of self-sabotage. _

I felt like the world just fell out from under me, and it must have been apparent on my face because Bonnie looked concerned. "'Lena? Are you okay?"

I nod slowly. "Yeah…yeah I'm fine. Listen, why don't you head back, okay? I just want to be alone for a bit." I rested my elbow on the counter and used my palm to hold my head up.

She looked reluctant at first, but nodded. "Call me if you need anything okay." She waited for me to acknowledge before leaving me alone in the kitchen. I was glad that everyone was occupied outside with the dancing and the band; I wouldn't want to have to try and explain myself to whoever filtered in and out.

I must have been there for half an hour, just going over that conversation with Damon in my head a million times, wondering how things would have gone if I had just been honest with him.

"I thought you left." My head shot up in surprise at Damon's voice in the entrance of the kitchen. He sounded relieved.

I managed to force a smile. "I thought about it, but…" I trailed off, just staring at him with a sad resignation. The lyrics of a song popped into my head. _Something always brings me back to you…it never takes too long. _Sara Bareilles.

He steps closer placing the empty wine bottle in his hand on the counter. "But, what?" curiosity shined all over his face.

My breathing picked up and my heart pounded a mile a second. Tears cluttered my brown eyes, clouding my vision much like the wine was clouding my judgment. "I lied." I whispered. I couldn't even look at him.

I'm sure he was frowning. I felt him step closer, only a few inches away from me. "You lied about what?" I could hear a strain in his voice, asking the unvoiced question.

I looked up at him, my lip trembling and my eyes telling him that he already knew the answer. His blue eyes widened in realization, and his mouth hung open slightly. I turned towards him. "Ask me again." I waited patiently, what felt like hours when in reality it was only seconds.

"Do you still have feelings for me?" he asked it fast, not wanting to draw it out. He stepped closer to me still.

I nodded. "Yes. Yes, Damon…I love you." I couldn't even stop the words from spilling from my lips, but I barely finished speaking before his lips were on mine, claiming me, his hands cradling my face. He snaked one arm around my waist, hoisting me up off the stool and backing me into the far wall. Damon's hands and lips coasted up and down my neck and shoulders, coming back up to claim my mouth again. He moaned in response as my hands tunneled through his hair, locked around his neck and I jumped up, locking my legs around his waist.

"Elena…" he nearly growled my name heatedly, pushing his body further into mine. His teeth tugged gently on my lower lip and I mewled. "God, I'm crazy about you." He whispered resting his forehead against mine. We were both panting in elation, and a dazzling smile lit up my face at his words, before reality slammed into me. "What's wrong?" he nuzzled my neck sweetly and I had to hold in the sob.

I pushed at his shoulders lightly. "Let me down." He reeled back to look at me with a hurt gaze. "Please?"

I gently lowered me to the floor and stepped back, pushing the loose strands of hair out of my face. "What is it, Elena?" He was starting at me with such affection, such ardor that I had to look away.

"This is your engagement party." I stated the obvious. _There goes the Queen. _

Damon had the decency to look guilty. "I know."

I let out a deep breath. "Why did you kiss me?"

He scowled in confusion and irritation. "You told me you loved me!" he exclaimed quietly in way of explanation. He paused, losing all anger and just regarded me with passion and awe. "You're the only the woman that ever has."

I felt a heat swallow me, and I felt the impact of his words as if they were tangible. I couldn't believe this to be the truth. He is a beautiful, loving, inspiring _perfect_ man! Who could not love him? "But Rebekah…" my mouth was so dry.

He shook his head. "No; I mean she's said it, but in the way she would tell her girlfriends, or a dog." He scoffed, and stared at me with so much respect and appreciation. "She never meant it." His voice cracked slightly.

I wanted to cry for him. I wanted to tell him over and over until he had his fill of the words everyone should hear. I grabbed his face in my hands. "I love you, Damon. I have for a very long time. You should know that." I started to let my hands fall but he held them there.

"Thank you." His eyes were closed, and his shoulders sagged in relief. "Don't leave."

I took in a deep breath. "I have to."

His blue eyes pierced through me, searching. "No…" he looked like he wanted to cry; his breathing picked up and he held my hands close to his heart.

I swallowed painfully. "I made a decision today Damon…now it's time for you to make yours."

"Damon…we're all waiting-" Mariella stopped in the entrance of the kitchen with her mouth opened in shock. Damon turned to her, and I pulled my hands out of his, lowering my head and glancing up ashamed to see her reaction. There was a ghost of a smile…but I could be wrong. She cleared her throat. "Um, Damon your father's waiting for you to make his speech."

Damon nodded glanced at me quickly giving a stare that told me this wasn't over, before briskly striding back out to the backyard.

Mariella gracefully walked towards me, her heels clicking elegantly on the slate stone floor. I was going to hear it from her. Oh, she was going to be so mad…I heard stories about Mrs. Salvatore's quiet, and destructive rage…she was going to destroy me in this town. She placed her hand on my cheek and raised my chin so I was looking at her. There was a grin of happiness spreading over her lips. Damon definitely got his looks form her. "Elena 1, Rebekah 0. Let's put the little She Devil in the ground…shall we?"

I just created an alliance.


	12. You Make This All Go Away

Chapter 12: You Make This All Go Away

I woke up the next morning with a pounding in my head, and fluttering feeling in my stomach. _Oh…wine hangover. _Sleeping the rest of the day away sounded like a great idea, but I realized that I couldn't bail on my breakfast date. It was already 10:00am.

Mariella and I were supposed to meet in an hour and a half to 'discuss our options' at the Mystic Falls Country Club. I jumped out of bed, ignoring my headache and nausea and hurriedly got ready, making myself look worthy of entrance at the elite club. I did my hair in a low side chignon, light makeup and a high necked A-line navy blue dress that stopped just above my thighs, and crisscrossed in the back. It was very 60's chic; I wore it at a theme party last year. I decided I was not going to subject myself to heels, and stuck to my black flats.

By the time I was done getting ready and got to the Country Club, I was late five minutes. Mariella was already there, half way through her coffee, looking at the menu. She looked regal; like someone famous in her cream colored dress that fit her slim form perfectly. She donned white pearls around her neck and her wavy raven hair was pinned away from her face, and fell down her back and shoulders. Her eyes were as blue as Damon's.

"Sorry, I'm late." I rushed in, and sat across from her, pulled my sunglasses off and folding them on the table.

Mariella, smiled kindly, putting the menu down. "That's alright, dear…I'm sure you have a good reason." She teased. "How are you feeling this morning?"

I managed a smirk. "Rough, thank you. I'm never drinking that much wine again." I reach for the menu but she puts a hand out to stop me.

"I've already ordered your favorite, dear, and a coffee…I'm sure you need it." She winked. Mariella and my mother were really close when I was growing up. They would go for brunch every Sunday morning and I would come along because I had nothing better to do while my dad and brother slept the morning away.

"Thank you." I sighed in relief. _The Club's eggs benedict, side of turkey bacon and two chocolate chip pancakes. YES! _It was just what I needed after a hangover.

"Of course." She crossed her hands over the table. "Now…let's start at the beginning."

I spent the next hour explaining the situation between Damon and I excluding the hot sex that started it all, chalking it up to 'an encounter'. Her smile told me I wasn't fooling anyone.

"And at the house warming for Caroline and Stefan, she admitted to knowing all about it." I flushed thinking about how embarrassed I was. "She's rubbing him in my face on purpose."

Mariella leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs. "Well, clearly it backfired." She reminded me then of a mob wife. "By rubbing it in your face she drove him into your arms."

I shrug not really believing her. I glanced at my phone. "I haven't heard from him since yesterday. I don't know how to interpret that."

She leaned forward again and clasped my hand. "He just needs time to figure things out, sweetie. Don't worry so much."

I chuckled bitterly. "The man I love is with the woman I hate, I finally told him how I feel and I haven't heard from him since; how can I not worry?" I put my fork down and pushed my plate away feeling sobered.

Mariella smiled in a way that only a mother can. "I know…it's natural. But if Damon doesn't come to his senses and call off this wedding then I will have to have him committed for being completely insane." She smiled at the waitress as she delivered the check. "I think Damon believes he's doing the right thing in marrying her…probably to please his father no doubt." She grumbled the last part under her breath with ire. "But he'll realize he's making a mistake." She was so confident.

"Before or after the wedding?" With my luck it would be after.

…

Two days. Two _fucking _days and nothing. I was constantly on edge; every time the phone rang, every time the doorbell chimed, even when the wind made the branches tap my window I thought it was him. I resigned to the fact that he had made his decision and I was heartbroken, naturally. I quarantined myself in my room when I wasn't eating or pretending I was fine and I refused Caroline's attempts at getting me out of the house.

My phone rang, and my hand immediately darted to the nightstand to grab it. Caroline. I sighed. "Hello?" To anyone that didn't know me, I would have sounded perfectly normal…peppy even.

"Hey…please tell me you're out of bed and doing something other than being locked in your room." She demanded.

I stared down at myself, sitting on my bed in my pajamas at four in the afternoon playing solitaire with an old deck of cards I got for Christmas from Lexi. "I'm out of bed and doing something other than being locked in my room?"

I could practically see her rolling her eyes. "Ugh, Elena!" she reprimanded. "Well, I've got some good news for you!" she squealed. Caroline didn't even give me a second to ask her what before she was continuing. "Damon postponed the wedding!"

I didn't know it was possible to feel elated and depressed at the same time. I shook my head to clear it. "What?"

"I know! I just found out like half an hour ago…I wasn't supposed to tell anyone; _I'm_ not even supposed to know but Stefan doesn't keep anything from me and I couldn't keep something like this from you!" Rambling was her specialty in her excitement.

"He's _postponing_ the wedding?" I clarified quietly.

"Isn't it great? Stefan said that he wasn't ready to get married yet, and apparently when Damon told Rebekah, she completely flipped her shit; I wish I could've been there for it." Caroline sighed wistfully.

"Thanks for telling me, Care…I gotta go." I hung up before she could reply, already changing into a pair of jean shorts and tying my hair up in a messy bun. I didn't bother changing out of my purple camisole. I grabbed my keys, slipped on my flip flops and tucked my phone in my pocket before racing out of the house.

I was at the Salvatore house in less than ten minutes, breaking a couple speeding laws along the way. I didn't even think that Mariella or Giuseppe could be home, let alone Rebekah…I was only thinking about one thing.

I didn't even knock; if I did it would have given me time to process what I was doing. "Damon!" I yelled furiously. I called up the stairs again, before heading into the parlor room. "Damon!"

He entered into the room with a surprised look on his face at seeing me in his house, panting and pinning him with my hard glare. "Elena? What-what is it, is everything okay?" Worry etched on his face as he quickly closed the distance between us. His hand reached up to touch my cheek, but I slapped it away and took a step back.

"We're you going to tell me?" I seethed through clenched teeth.

Damon frowned. "Tell you what?"

"You're _postponing _the wedding?" realization clouded him face and he closed his eyes hanging his head. "I had to find out from _Caroline_, Damon! Is that your decision? Are you going to-to hold off for a little while; have some fun with me before going back to her? Just like old times, huh Damon?" I shook my head in disgust as my bottom lip trembled in my attempt to hold in my sobs. "God, I'm such an idiot to believe _anything_ you say." I tried to walk past him, but he took my arm gently as I stormed by. "Let. Go. Of me." A sort of hatred burned in my eyes as I stared at him. A hatred of my love and how it always got me burned.

"Elena, can you let me explain, please?" he sounded so calm. "Please?" he begged.

I pulled free of his grasp and sat down on the couch. He followed and sat on the table across from me. Damon sighed deeply as he swiped a hand over his face. "Okay…if you heard it from Caroline than you only know what Stefan heard from my dad. It's over between Rebekah and I…I broke up with her last night." Damon's eyes were locked on mine conveying his truth. He reached for my hands and brought them both up to his mouth to kiss my knuckles. "I told my dad I postponed the wedding because I didn't know how to break it to him that I wasn't getting married at all. He was so excited about it." He mumbled sadly.

My mouth was dry. _Okay…so I totally overacted there._ "Why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugged. "She was my first and only girlfriend…but I knew that she wasn't enough the morning you woke up in my bed." He swallowed nervously, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I needed to wrap my head around that."

I blinked in shocked, unchecked tears sliding down my cheeks and into my lap. "So what does this mean?" My heart was leaping out of my chest.

"It means I made my decision, Elena." He stated simply. "It wasn't that difficult really." He gave me a sly smirk, his blue eyes twinkling with mirth. "Plus…my mom put in a good word for you." He winked and pulled me into his arms, my legs straddling his.

I kissed him with so much passion and love, pouring all I had into this man; the man that brought me heartache and pain…and then made it all go away.

A/N: So that's the end! I thought about making another couple chapters but I didn't want to drag out the inevitable. I hope you enjoyed it, and I know you're probably thinking "Where's Damon's profound and heartfelt confession of love?" and the truth is…I don't think he's there yet, but he will be soon. I also thought it would have been too cheesy of an ending what with it already closing on a kiss and a happy ending.

If you want it, I was possibly thinking of doing an added chapter with a fuming Rebekah…not sure how far into the future yet; a day? A month? A couple years? But I like writing the She Devil in action…and Mariella deserves a confrontation with her don't you think? Let me know…and don't forget to review! xoxVanessa


	13. Author's Note

So I've already started writing the Sequel to Grey! Thank you all for your reviews and your input, I love hearing them. I hope you all carry on to the next installment called **'The Confrontation'**. It may be three chapters or it could be more if my mind runs wild as it tends to do lol. I'm excited, and I'm doing things a little differently this time. Enjoy!

xox Vanessa


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